


(back chat, back chat) you're driving me insane

by liamtome



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Attempt at Humor, Celebrity AU, Celebrity Rivalry, Comedian Eddie Kaspbrak, Comedian Richie Tozier, Eddie Is Also a Comedian, Eddie Kaspbrak's Stand Up Act, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Kinda, M/M, Richie Tozier's Stand Up Act, Social Media, alternative universe, character gets outed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamtome/pseuds/liamtome
Summary: Richie Tozier is a famous comedian.Eddie Kaspbrak is also a famous comedian.They have a long standing public rivalry.-A story told in snapshots of mixed social media.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 12
Kudos: 214





	(back chat, back chat) you're driving me insane

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Eddie as a comedian has been festering in my mind for months but it wasn't until June that I decided to start working on this and now, months later, he's finally here! Eddie is funny as hell and should be allowed to be a funnyman too (but I'm not a comedian so I tried my best here).
> 
> This wasn't beta and English is not my first language so there maybe some mistakes even if some were done purposely for authenticity. Also, Richie and Eddie may come across as assholes in this but that's kinda the point, I love both characters a lot so please don't take it in the wrong way.
> 
> Title is from Queen's Back Chat
> 
> Enjoy!

**Eddie Kaspbrak Joins Saturday Night Live as a Cast Member.**

September 18, 2004

ComedyNews.blogspot.com/eddie-kaspbrak-SNL/0918

The comedy sketch show will be seeing many changes this upcoming season after the unexpected departures and changes of season 29. One of these is the addition of actor and stand-up comedian Eddie Kaspbrak to the cast roster.

An essentially unknown face, Kaspbrak has been making a name for himself for his comedy acts and deadpan humour; aside from acting and stand-up he often joins the behind-the-cameras of productions as a screenwriter. Most notably, he was a staff writer in season 1 of FOX’s Arrested Development and a junior writer for several series on ABC.

In what may be as a surprise to many, the casting marks Kaspbrak as the first openly gay actor to join Saturday Night Live’s cast since 1986, eighteen years after Terry Sweeney was let go from the show. Overall, he’s the third LGBT+ cast member in Saturday Night Live history behind Sweeney and Danitra Vance.

We’re excited to see what Kaspbrak brings to the show for season 30 besides a little necessary diversity. If you want to see Eddie Kaspbrak’s latest stand-up act, click on the link below.

++++

**Lead roles announced for ABC’s upcoming show ‘ _Three Men and a Baby_ ’.**

October 26, 2004.

TVGuide.com/ABC-new-series-casting

Connor Bowers, Dan Torrance and Richie Tozier had been announced as the lead actors for the ABC’s adaptation of the 1987 movie Three Men and A Baby.

The show is set to start filming sometime next January and it’s currently in the preproduction stage. Much like the movie, the show is set to follow the three main characters as they navigate life after finding themselves in charge of a baby. The show is described as a sitcom/comedy and you can find a short plot description on ABC’s official website; “the lives of three twenty-something New Yorkers are completely changed after a baby shows up on their doorstep out of nowhere”.

Not much is known about the upcoming show but with this casting announcement and with veteran showrunner Eddie Corcoran manning the ship, we can expect nothing but the best from this show.

++++

**SNL’s Eddie Kaspbrak Goes Off On Celebrity Host**

Sunday, November 20, 2007

USWeekly.com/TV-shows/SNL

Live TV has never been this entertaining...

If you are a fan of the comedy show or simply an insomniac, perhaps you got see the altercation that took place this past Saturday half-way through the show as cast member Eddie Kaspbrak couldn’t manage his ire and broke character as he shouted harsh words to his skit companion and celebrity host, Richie Tozier.

The situation started like any other SNL live skit, a small budget set and Eddie and Richie as the only actors sharing the screen for the next few minutes. As the show went on during its one hour run, it became clear that most of the dialogue was not scripted; Richie Tozier is known for his improvisation skills and he took this specific skit to make them shine and it seemed Eddie was more than capable to go along with him. But Richie took it too far when he surprised Eddie by adding a “your mom” joke during the skit where they played a bank attendant and a client respectively.

Kaspbrak, whose mother passed away not four days ago, understandably but maybe excessively broke character and had some very harsh words to say to Tozier. The skit was cut short and replaced by what we assume was a pre-recorded sketch featuring Tozier as a clueless museum tour guide.

On Monday morning, Saturday Night Live’s representatives released a statement saying Eddie is “very sorry for lashing out in such an uncalled for way”. The representatives have also stated that Kaspbrak will be taking a two-weeks leave to let him “have time to properly grieve during this difficult time in his life”. The show’s spokesperson assured viewers that Eddie Kaspbrak won’t be let go and we can expect to see him back once he feels better.

Tozier’s team has yet to release comments on the situation but we sincerely hope he’s at least feeling a little remorseful about his words.

++++

Saturday Night Live. S32E07. Host: Richie Tozier. 11/17/2007

BANKING OPERATIONS \- Eddie/Tina/Extras/Richie Tozier

(OPEN TO: BANK INTERIOR. RICHIE AND OTHERS STAND IN LINE AS CLIENTS. EDDIE AS THE TELLER BEHIND THE DESK. HE EYES RICHIE SUSPICIOUSLY)

EDDIE:

Next!

(RICHIE WALKS OVER HOLDING A LARGE BLACK BAG TO HIS CHEST)

RICHIE:

Hey, I’m going to need you to do something for me… quietly.

EDDIE:

(CONCERNED)

What? Sir, what do you mean?

RICHIE:

Just stay calm and do as I say.

(EDDIE MOVES HIS ARM UNDER THE TABLE AS IF LOOKING FOR THE EMERGENCY BUTTON)

EDDIE:Is this… Are you…

RICHIE: 

Yes

EDDIE: 

Sir. Please, don’t do this.

RICHIE: 

Or what? What are you gonna do, pretty boy?

EDDIE: 

Nothing, I promise just please don't rob us..

RICHIE: 

Rob you? Dude! What!

EDDIE: 

But you just said-

RICHIE: 

(CUTTING EDDIE OFF) 

Dude, where’s your mind at? I just want to make a deposit!

(PAUSE)

RICHIE: 

(CONT.) 

Discreetly.

EDDIE:

…Okay. I guess I can do that for you, sir.

RICHIE:

(OFF SCRIPT) 

Dude, Don’t call me ‘sir’. Only one person calls me that.

RICHIE:

(OFF SCRIPT) (CONT.) 

Oh, you know her really well, actually.

EDDIE:

(OFF SCRIPT)

Yeah? And who’s this unlucky lady? Surely anybody who likes you is out of their mind.

RICHIE:

(OFF SCRIPT)

Oh, she’s something alright! It’s your mom!

EDDIE: 

(OFF SCRIPT) (QUIETLY)

What?

RICHIE:

(OFF SCRIPT)

Yeah, she loves it when I visit her for our nightly rendezvous, if you know what I mean…

EDDIE:

(OFF SCRIPT) (FURIOUSLY)

What the fuck is wrong you, you complete idiot.

Richie: 

(OFF SCRIPT) (SIMULTANEOUSLY)

What? Eddie… I didn’t…

EDDIE:

(OFF SCRIPT) (CONT.)

You insensitive fuck, do you have any sense of decorum or are you just a no-brained idiot?

RICHIE:

(OFF SCRIPT) (UNDER HIS BREATH)

Decorum? Who says that?

EDDIE: 

(OFF SCRIPT) (CONT.)

My mother’s dead, you numbnuts! She died two days ago! You dumbfuck! Are deaf along with blind? Uh? Fu-

(CUT)

++++

60th Primetime Emmy Awards Nominees.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:

Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock (Episode: "Rosemary's Baby") (NBC)

Steve Carell as Michael Scott on The Office (Episode: "Goodbye, Toby") (NBC)

Dan Torrance as Jack Wright on Three Men and a Baby (Episode: “Dirty Diapers and Date Nights”) (ABC)

Richie Tozier as Vince McClean on Three Men and a Baby (Episode: “What Can Go Wrong?”) (ABC)

Connor Bowers as Jonnathan Hunter on Three Men and a Baby (Episode: “Don’t Heat It, Only Warm It”) (ABC)

++++

[Richie Tozier’s acceptance speech for Outstanding Lead Actor in A Comedy Series. 60th Primetime Emmy Awards. September 21, 2008]

Woah! I’m so,- I’m so surprised! Thanks guys, this is great!

I wasn't expecting this, at all. Not even the nomination, really. There's so many better actors on TV right now and to have me win this it’s hilarious. God, I’m going to spend the next week looking over my shoulder every five seconds waiting for the Emmys’ security team to come bursting down my door shouting "we made a mistake! Give it back!" 

But not, it's mine now! No take backsies! Wait for next year for your chance guys!

Well. I have to say thank you to some people, right?

Umn, I'll start with my cast mates, I suppose. Connor, Dan, being nominated for the same category with you was crazy; the tension was killing me. I was hoping Carell would win so we won't have to resent one of our own but well… please don’t send hired muscle to beat me up for it.

To my managing team, thanks for always helping me out and keeping me in a straight line, I know I always give you a really hard time. I would be sleeping in a dump if it wasn't for you guys and we all know it.

To my " _bee-eff-eff_ " Stanley the Manley. One day you'll be the one winning one of these for best script or best series man, I promise you that.

Big thanks to my old man and my ma. Thank you for supporting me always even if I know I was the most annoying, obnoxious kid to raise, I personally think you did a good job. I know you both probably stayed up past your eight P.M. bedtime to watch this, thank you and I love you. You can go to sleep now, I know I will.

Also, before they cut me off with music, big thanks to the little feral man who keeps telling people I'm the worst comedian on TV right now. I guess this proves you very wrong. Uh, Eds?

Thanks so much and have a good night but don't overdo the drinks! Save that for the after party!

++++

[Transcript from Jimmy Kimmel Live! S07E171 Actor Ed Helms, comedian Eddie Kaspbrak, 311 performs, June 4, 2009]

[Jimmy]

Our next guest is a Saturday Night Live star, an incredible actor and now he’s here to tell us about his new stand-up tour. Please welcome Eddie Kaspbrak!

[Audience]

(Claps and cheers)

[Eddie Kaspbrak enters the set. He greets Jimmy with a hug and sits on the sofa next to the desk]

[Eddie]

Hi, Jimmy. How are you?

[Jimmy]

I’m good, thanks Eddie. But tell me, how are you?

[Eddie]

I’m good, good. Very excited.

[Jimmy]

I bet. You have a busy schedule for what I’ve been told. Right?

[Eddie]

Yeah, I do. I will be starting my new stand-up tour next month, it’ll last about three months and after that I’ll go back to SNL for another season.

[Audience]

(Cheers)

[Jimmy]

Woah. That’s great. Good for you! Tell us, what’s the name of the tour?

[Eddie]

It’s titled ‘Don’t Call Me Eds’. It took me a while to choose the name, I had a lot of different options but in the end my team and I decided this was the best way to go.

[Jimmy]

That’s great. I’m excited to see it. I’m buying tickets for the California dates.

[Eddie]

Oh, thanks. That’s really nice of you.

[Jimmy]

No problem. I love going to stand-up shows, and you’re one of the best right now so it won't be hard to spend an hour listening to you telling jokes.

[Eddie]

I won’t say best… But probably very different to the rest.

[Jimmy]

Yeah. That’s why I like supporting you. You’re funny and you’re also very open about who you are and that's very refreshing to see on stage. 

[Eddie]

I think being open about it it’s one of the reasons I kind of stand out from the other stand-up comedians. I try to be as honest as possible, and I mean, I don’t want to be mean to other people just to be funny.

[Audience]

(Scattered cheers)

[Jimmy]

Absolutely. It’s a new brand of comedy.

[Eddie]

Exactly. I think we should move from the ages of old when comedy was at the sake of minorities. I see lots of comedians use this method and I see how famous and well liked they are and it makes me really upset to see it because we’re supposed to be learning and growing but it feels _some_ people don’t want to make the effort.

[Audience]

(Cheers and claps)

[Jimmy]

That’s a very nice thing to believe, man. And you’re right. Listen, I know I heard the title of your new tour somewhere before…

[Eddie]

Oh yes. I, well. It’s a bit on the show, I talk about it and how it came to be but yes, you’ve heard it before because I have said it before.

[Jimmy]

This doesn’t have anything to do with your rivalry with a certain comedian, does it?

[Eddie]

You know it does, Jimmy. Don’t make me say it.

[Jimmy]

Oh. Come on, Eddie! Everybody wants to hear about it!

[Eddie]

Okay, okay. Well. Everybody already knows most of what’s going on. We just don’t get along and I guess we lash out at each other publicly from time to time. I have to say I’m not proud of that.

[Jimmy]

Why not?

[Eddie]

It’s really childish! But I get so mad about the things he says about me, I can’t help it. Makes me feel like I'm ten.

[Jimmy]

And this nickname is one of those things?

[Eddie]

Oh yeah. Eddie is already a nickname for Edward. I don’t need another one. I’m fine with just Eddie.

[Jimmy]

Just Eddie. The title of your next stand-up.

[Jimmy]

Oh. Yes! That’s kinda funny. Maybe I’ll add that to this tour somewhere in there.

[Jimmy]

And this whole feud started with that thing that happened in Saturday Night Live a few years ago, right?

[Eddie]

I guess it did. I’m still kind of embarrassed about the whole thing. It was the first time I broke character in such a big way. My mother had just died and we never had a good relationship so I had a lot of conflicting feelings about the situation. In the end, the two weeks of absence I got were really good for my mental health so at least something good came out of the altercation.

[Jimmy]

Two weeks of absence? So you were on a kind of vacation from the show?

[Eddie]

Not really. I was allowed to come into the writers' room but not to appear on stage or participate as an actor in any of the sketches. I was still working but in a smaller capacity.

[Jimmy]

And were you able to resolve those conflicting feelings? Did it get better?

[Eddie]

I did. I actually started seeing a professional to help me process all those thoughts and feelings back then, I still do and it’s been really good for me.

[Jimmy]

I’m glad to hear that, Eddie. I’m glad you’re so much better now.

[Audience]

(Cheers and applause)

[Jimmy]

So your tour starts in New York next month, right?

[Eddie]

Yeah. I’m doing the east coast first then we’re heading south and after that is west towards California and around August it’ll be north all the way to British Columbia and then again east to finish up in Quebec.

[Jimmy]

Oh, you’re doing Quebec. Will you be doing the show in French?

[Eddie]

No. No, I don’t speak French at all, I butcher saying hello but that’s where the last show of this tour is and I’m really excited to be there. I’ve never been.

[Jimmy]

You’ll love it. Good thing you’re going during summer though.

[Eddie]

I suppose, yes.

[Jimmy]

Best of luck on this tour and everything else after that, Eddie. Thanks for coming by.

[Eddie]

Thank you, Jimmy. It's always a pleasure, thank you for having me.

[Audience]

(Cheers)

++++

ThousandsVoices Productions Presents…

‘Trash the Trashmouth’

Live Summer Tour 2009

Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier returns to his roots after a string of successful TV and movie roles, now he’s back with this new summer tour to crack good jokes and have a good time. Yowza!

Join him at a date near you!

Check the full tour schedule **here** and get tickets **here**.

++++

U.S. COMEDY FANS FORUM

Posted 06-04-2009 1:42 AM

** Anonyblues65 **

Moderator… U.S. COMEDY FANS

[Icon Not Available On Your Computer]

Joined February 2007

**_____________________________________**

** Misc. - More on Kaspbrak v Tozier; discuss. **

Trashmouth just announced his new stand-up tour. It’s set to start the first week of July and end the second week of September, he’s calling it ‘Trash the Trashmouth' (sounds like he’s inviting people to heckle him) and it’s a summer tour. It actually looks really good and I was excited because I thought I had a chance to score tickets for the date in my city but...

I went to double check the day (because getting refunds from the ticket seller is a hassle I’m not willing to go through again…) to see what day of the week it fell on and I’m the kind of guy that likes to keep track of things and I bought my ticket for Kaspbrak’s show when they went on sale a few weeks ago so I had the day marked on my calendar, anyways, when I checked it turns out that both shows are on the same week, on weekdays! 

At first I thought it was a coincidence, you know? It could happen with many things so I didn’t think much of it but the next day I mentioned this to my friend here on the forum and he said the same happened with his city… so I went to check if it was the same with all the dates…

And would you look at that… it was

So my thinking is Tozier’s team decided to do the dates almost the same as Kaspbrak’s for some reason, surely because Trashmouth hates him XD and he thought it’ll be funny. Most people will definitely have the same problem as me and they’ll have to choose which show to go. That’s funny but I guess it kinda sucks too, I was hoping to go to both (I love hearing what petty stuff they said about each other) and any chance to go out and have a laugh is good.

Unfortunately I won’t be able to go to both shows if they are the same week, work won’t give that many days off. 

What do you guys think? Leave your thoughts in a comment under this thread I want to see what you think.

PS. If anyone is looking for a ticket to Kaspbrak’s Atlanta show, PM me for details.

Comments: [ **Misc. More on Kaspbrak v Tozier; discuss** ] [EXPAND]

**j0nnybigD:**

It’s not a contest everybody!! Go to Trashmouth shows!! Who wants to go see that little fairy tells his little faggy jokes? He sucks!! N not only balls!! Hahaha geddit? Cuz Kaspbrak’s gay

{User j0nnybigD has been suspended from this thread for 48 hours}

++++

**RICHIE TOZIER**

**TRASHMOUTH…HE HATES GAY PEOPLE??**

Tozier is nothing if not true to his moniker...

Published 04-21-2010 3:20 PM by TMZ.com

The comedian was seen leaving an upscale bar in Downtown LA last Wednesday night where he was reportedly celebrating his friend and working partner Stanley Uris’ engagement to SNL actress and writer Patricia Blum.

Sources tell us the couple left the celebration early but it seems Trashmouth was not ready to call it a night and stayed until well past midnight.

Our crew caught him as he was leaving, clearly more than a few drinks in, and asked him about the infamous rivalry he and fellow comedian Eddie Kaspbrak of Saturday Night Live fame have had going on for many years now.

But it looks like Richie was not happy about the mention of his rival. He told our crew he didn’t want Kaspbrak “to ruin his night like he does with everything else” and as he was entering the car waiting for him he added: “That little b*tch is crazy to get on his knees for me! But I’m not gay! I’m not dirty!” 

It appears to us that Trashmouth’s disdain of his rival rest on being a openly gay sucessful comedian. Kaspbrak’s team has not made any comment regarding Richie’s allegations and we’re not expecting anything any time soon.

Richie’s humor has always being what most people would describe as sexist and bigoted but it seems we’re finally learning his true colors and should be adding homophobic to that list.

**Watch the video below.**

++++

Richie’s iMessage Chat Log 04/23/2010

To: staniel

{SENT} they took everything i said out of context

{SENT} they deleted shit i said before that to make me sound like a homophobic douchbag!!

{RECEIVED} That’s what they do, Rich. Hound you until you explode and say exactly what they want you to say. You know this.

{SENT} it still fuxking sucks man

{SENT} i dont know what to do

{SENT} my manager is up my ass about it

{SENT} wants me to fucking apologize publicly or some shit

{SENT} AND the WORST part is the fucking bastard thinks its hilarious fucking steve

{RECEIVED} You know you can fire him.

{SENT} stan

{RECEIVED} Richie.

{RECEIVED} I know I say this a lot and I know what you think about it but you should really consider getting a new management team. They’re the ones who forced you into this image, the ghostwriters you don’t even need and into hiding who you are.

{SENT} i signed a contract stanley

{SENT} they didn’t force me to do shit

{SENT} i chose to do that

{SENT} this is the best option

{RECEIVED} In my opinion, the best option would have you being yourself both as Richie Tozier and Trashmouth, writing your own material and being happy.

{RECEIVED} But I know you don't think the same, I wish you did. It’s still your decision to make but you know my thoughts on it and you know that no matter what I’ll be here for you.

{SENT} yeah

{SENT} well thanks

++++

**Acclaimed Director Mike Hanlon Returns With A New Horror Film.**

IndieWire.com/directors/mike-hanlon-bill-denbrough/the-dark-secrets

03-17-2010

Director Mike Hanlon, better known for being the man behind the Academy Award nominée film ‘Dust Off Your Coat’ and an avid philanthropist, has finally ended his self-imposed hiatus from Hollywood life after stating the pressures of fitting in were getting to him and affecting his mental health.

In an announcement made earlier this week by representatives of Universal Studios Productions, it was revealed that Hanlon is teaming up with horror novelist Bill Denbrough to bring Denbrough’s novel The Dark Secrets to the silver screen. This team-up comes as a surprise to many; Hanlon has not collaborated since his last TV gig ‘Three Men and A Baby’ where he was one of the many to direct episodes on the show, and Debrough is notable for refusing to be involved in the adaptations of his novels.

It seems like a strange change of genre for Hanlon whose usual take are films protraying the intricancies of human life and considering ‘Dust Off Your Coat’ is a intimate exploration of the often overlooked lives of middle-class queer black men but from everything we’ve seen from Hanlon, it’s safe to say his new jump to psicologycal horror will be nothing but brilliant.

The movie is currently under pre-production with Hanlon directing and Denbrough acting as screenwriter and also an executive producer. This will mark the first time Denbrough will be deeply involved in the movie adaptation of his novel, this may come after the underwhelming reaction to his two latest novels-turned-movies, The Deep Beyond and There’s Something In The Air, which both crossed less than half of the production budget and had a score of 17% and 24% respectively on RottenTomatoes. 

Casting announcements have yet to be made but names are circling around for the two lead roles, including personalities such as Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Idris Elba. 

More details should come soon as the movie’s pre-production takes traction and prepares to enter the production stage.

‘The Dark Secrets’ is set to be released late 2011.

++++

[Expert from Richie 'Trashmouth’ Tozier’s Stand-Up Act. Recorded with an iPhone 4 at Michael’s Tavern’s Open Mic Night with Special Guests, New York City, NY. November 03, 2010]

As you all know, I have an enemy. A rival, if you want to get more fancy. I didn’t know you could have enemies past the age of ten because, you know, at that age it’s normal to have enemies. Like, the kid who borrows your pen and never gives it back immediately becomes number one enemy of the state. The state being your room that’s layered in suspiciously stained socks so your mom refuses to clean it up for you. Fuck you Jeremy!

But I’m here, in my mid-thirties and I have an enemy. I like calling him my enemy because saying ‘rival’ implies there’s a competition but this guy and I…

You know what? Let’s give him a code name, we’ll get confused with so many pronouns.

How about Teddy? Mmn, maybe not. That’s too on the nose. And it reminds me of my childhood teddy bear that I very creatively named Teddy. I loved Teddy so much, I wonder if my mom still has him saved in the attic…

Anyway. Let’s call him Spaghetti ‘cause I hate spaghetti, there’s so many better types of pasta. Raviolis’ great, have you guys eaten raviolis? I love eating them, you get a little extra food with them and what better than extra food, am I right? 

Spaghetti is like vanilla ice cream, why get vanilla ice cream when you can go with cookie dough chocolate temptation ice cream? Only boring people eat vanilla ice cream and spaghetti, I’m sure Spaghetti’s the type of people who does this.

Fuck. Where were we? Right, right. My enemy, Spaghetti. 

Spaghetti Assbag. Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Thanks, you guys. It took me a week to come up with that. What a funny little man he is, our dear Spaghetti.

We’re enemies because saying we’re rivals kinda means we’re competing against each other but we’re not. But if we were, we all know who’s winning, right? 

It’s obviously me, guys. Don’t act coy.

Spaghetti and I go way, way back. We met when I was still a bright eyed hopeful and now I am successful but I’m almost middle aged, I’m growing hair in places I didn't know you could grow hair in and to make it worse, I’m losing hair where you should be growing hair! Look at my forehead! I know even the guys sitting all the way in the back can see it, that’s how big it is.

Spaghetti was even smaller than he is now, if you can believe it. So small that I almost sat on him because I didn’t see him sitting in the waiting room of the place we were at. Imagine being that small, I couldn’t cope with it. I imagine Spaghetti still buys his clothes in the kid section at Macy’s. He looks like a Macy’s kind of guy, doesn’t he? Very boring and very suburban stay-at-home mom of four who drives a minivan but the size is three to four years old.

I like to think I’m the bigger man in this enemy situation, for obvious reasons and because I’m very gracious and would never say horrible things about anybody. Not sir, nuh uh. Not when I’m sober at least. I guess that will always follow me, uh. I’m promise I’m not that much of a bitch when I usually drink but that day my best friend was celebrating his engagement and there I was, still as single and alone as I was in eight grade when my face was covered in acne and I had the biggest braces seen on earth and I smelled like BO all the time because I still hadn’t learned I needed to wear deodorant.

So I blame everything I have ever said on that little shit eight grader, including the bullshit I’m saying right now. It’s all eighth grader Richie’s fault, blame him, not me!

Have a good night guys! Thanks for having me, it was a pleasure! I accept tips in the form of free drinks! I’ll be at the bar!

++++

**“Eddie Kaspbrak Awaits For A New Future”**

By Leslie Bennetts

VanityFair Magazine

Published June 12, 2011

When he opens the door of his penthouse apartment in Manhattan, Eddie Kaspbrak is already talking. As he’s known to do, his speech is fast and it would be almost unintelligible but he enunciates every word like the professional he is making it easier for me to catch his greeting. He vibrates with uncoiled energy like a puppy in need of a walk much like he is on any stage, on any talk show, or really, anywhere you'll see the elusive Eddie Kaspbrak.

This is not the first time I meet him but it is the first time we’re not surrounded by hundreds of cameras and other journalists begging for five minutes of his time. Here, in his apartment and dressed as casual as you would expect from a man of Kaspbrak’s tastes, he’s as human as the barista that made my coffee earlier.

And like my barista, he is asking if I want a drink. “I only have tea,” he tells me, “I don’t drink coffee anymore. Only non-caffeinated drinks or I'll explode from the energy overload.”

As he busies himself making us cups of tea, I prepare my props for the afternoon; the only reason I’m in his apartment, after all, it’s the interview. I sit on his hugely cosy sofa and wonder where to start; should I open with questioning his decision to leave Saturday Night Live, the show that made him a recognizable name or should I start by launching into his background which is without doubt a much more unpleasant subject?

He makes the decision for me.

A lot can be said about Eddie Kaspbrak, he’s small and compact although he’ll argue with you that he is not small at all and he’ll cite various facts as he does it, he’s genuinely humble unlike most other celebrities you’ll come across nowadays, some say he’s too weak and gentle to the point it becomes a disadvantage if he wants to have a lasting career in this Hollywood world, and some others even dare call him names only bigots and homophobes are comfortable saying.

But to Eddie Kaspbrak all that doesn’t seem to matter, not on the surface where anybody can see it all at least. It’s clear he doesn’t pull his punches and isn’t afraid of giving back as good as he gets.

He starts off by telling me how he realized he needed to leave SNL. “I had been thinking about it for a long time,” he begins. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved being in the show. It was great and a wonderful experience and I know many people dream of being in my position but I reached a moment in my life where it felt like it was holding me back. I would lay awake at night thinking I was going to burn out on SNL and I didn’t want that, I didn’t want this great thing that happened to me to be soiled with dreadful thoughts. So I had to leave. You know the line in _The Dark Knight_? ‘You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain’, that’s what it felt like to me, if I stayed any longer people were just going to start hating me and resenting me or some other dumb thing.”

The announcement of his departure from the show came last February and Eddie tells me his last day on set was overwhelming, “it’s a big family, you get used to being surrounded by the same people week after week and leaving was hard, there were a lot of tears.” It must have been a sorrowful experience for Kaspbrak, stepping away after eight years as a cast member and leaving behind a series of well-loved characters like Johnny the Mechanic who was born from Eddie’s own love for cars.

“I'm ready for what’s to come,” he tells me, “there’s so many new opportunities and so many different things I could do now. I’d like to expand my filmography, go beyond comedy maybe. Or even write something and, of course, I’ll be focusing on my stand-up at a more serious level.”

Eddie Kaspbrak is ready for new windows to open but he says he has high standards and doesn’t like to work with just anybody; this is something he says he carries from the beginning of his career when not everybody was willing to work with him for one reason only.

Kaspbrak is sweet, almost shy, despite what his chosen career will have you believe. This is one of the things that set him apart from many of his comedian colleagues, most comedians are brash and loud but also frank to the point it becomes rude. Not to say he is not brash and loud, he is but he’s anything but rude. Eddie is a succesful, rich white man and he knows this but he is also gay, a fact that he admits has pushed his career back.

From the first time we heard his name, we have known he’s a gay man. He has been ‘that gay comedian’ far longer that he’s been a household name. He’s been out and unapologetically proud since college and he has refused to let anybody push him back into the closet, even if it was for the so-called sake of his dreams.

“The first agency that tried to sign me told me I needed to ‘dial down the gay’, - that’s word for word what they say, I’ll never forget - I thought they were joking, you know. I couldn’t grasp how they could be serious about that. But they were genuinely asking me to stay in the closed, it was one of the stipulations of the contract but I couldn’t do it. I spent the first eighteen years of my life afraid of who I was and thinking I was sick and now that I finally accepted who I was, I just couldn’t let them do that to me. I refused to sign and walked out.”

I try to get the agency’s name from him but he’s adamant he won’t say, it could be fear from the backlash he could get for badmouthing what he tells me is a pretty big talent management agency or he could be bidding his time knowing someday, he’ll need this; the question is if he’ll need it as ammunition or as a shield but only time will tell.

He tells me there are many people who denied him jobs or refused to work with him citing his sexuality, a fact that is surprising to anyone who isn’t familiar with Hollywood’s double edged sword of hypocrisy but it’s just another normal day for those who know it’s only a disguise for what lies underneath the surface of shining red carpets and beautiful people. Eddie assures me this doesn’t bother him anymore, not like it did when he was younger; in fact he says he’s the victorious one in these battles “I won’t want to work with people like that so truly, they did me a favor”.

I use this moment to comment on what the gossip magazines have deemed the ‘Tozier v Kaspbrak’ rivalry. He seems to be ambivalent about the situation but I press on and ask his thoughts on the video released a few years ago of fellow comedian Richie Tozier making some strong allegations about Eddie’s reasoning for having an active stand on this rivalry.

“Richie Tozier is a bit of an idiot, don’t you think? He says a lot of bulls**t, no wonder they call him Trashmouth. What he said didn’t really bother me, I’ve heard way worse. He has never being genuinely homophobic to me before just a bit of an a**hole and extremely annoying. It wasn't right of him to say that regardless of how drunk he was. It’s just wrong, you know? And he has a lot of fans, he leaves an impression on all of them. I don’t think we should be growing more bad people, there’s already enough of them.”

“What really upset me was how everybody else thinks they can display their opinions about it and make a spectacle of it. So what if Tozier thinks I’m attracted to him and has apparently been thinking about that? I think that says a lot more about him that it does about me. This rivalry thing, as silly as it sounds, it’s actually not as harsh and personal as people think it is; not for me, I can’t speak for Tozier. To me is a bit. Some comedian latched onto me because we met at an audition years ago and he made it into a bit where he taunted me and what am I do to, as a comedian, but go along with it. And we’re public figures so it’s all out there and people think we hate each other but in reality I don’t know enough about Richie Tozier that makes me hate him.”

This is VanityFair so I have to ask him if he actually thinks Richie Tozier to be an attractive man and to my surprise, Kaspbrak blushes in a bashful way and reluctantly gives me an answer, “well, he is tall and has very broad shoulders but his personality ruins everything, that’s all I’ll say.” If it’s any consolation to him, many other people, including myself, think the same.

I let this conversation go in order to discuss Eddie’s past, a subject I know it’s delicate for him but must be discussed if we want to keep this an all-access interview.

He describes his childhood as unpleasant and the rabbit hole that led him to develop severe anxiety and germophobia, both concerns he now manages with the help of therapy and prescription drugs (I ask how he deals with taking prescribed medication as a germaphobe and he only answers with “it’s difficult”).

Eddie was born in the state of Maine, a small town called Derry he says is bleak and backwards in its views; he tells me growing up there was difficult, “it left scars, and I guess my mom was also a big part of that. She was the quintessential Derry resident.”

He was born Edward Franciszek Kaspbrak to second generation Polish immigrants; his father Frank Kaspbrak passed away from lung cancer when Eddie was only seven years old and his mother Sonia Kaspbrak (born Sonia Wyrzyk) took it so personally and hard that in her desperation to keep her son safe from the dangers of the world, she only managed to drive him away.

“My mother was a very particular woman. By this I mean she would freak out and race me to the ER if I came home from school with a scratch on my knee and swore I was allergic to anything and everything, I wasn’t allowed to eat sugar or colorants. I wasn’t allowed to play outside without her supervision until I turned eight, It was very hard growing up that way, she made me believe I was weak and sick so I ended up developing a fear of germs that still persists and an anxiety that has only gotten more manageable in the last few years.”

Kaspbrak’s mother passed away in 2007, days before the now infamous Saturday Night Live incident where he broke character and yelled obscenities on live television, but many years after, the weight of her actions clearly still leaves a mark.

“She was very bigoted and homophobic; she hated everybody who dared being something she didn’t approve of, she would say gay people were sick and dirty, it wasn’t nice to hear that when I was realizing I wasn’t as straight as I thought I was.” Eddie says their relationship became strained after he left for college and came out, and it took him years to understand it was for the best, “We rarely spoke and when we did she always tried to convince me I was delusional. I didn’t notice she was abusive until I wasn’t listening to her speeches everyday. Thank goodness for college counselors.”

Eddie is sure to tell me there was a bright side to his thunderstorm of an upbringing: his friendship with now renowned horror author William Denbrough who he met as a young kid in Derry and continues to call his best friend well into adulthood, “I own Bill (Denbrough) my sanity, I don’t think I’ll be where I am if it wasn’t for him.” I mention how bizarre it is that both of them became well-known names and he tells me that for them it isn’t, “When Bill said he was going to do something, he did it. And he helped me get here, he always got my back. To us it’s just the way things were supposed to go, both of us together doing what we love.”

In what seems strange for a comedian, Eddie’s circle of friends is very small. Some could say it’s prestigious as it includes Kaspbrak, a highly rated comedian, Denbrough who is a New York Times best-selling author and praised fashion designer Beverly Marsh. This last personality was added to the tightly knit group of friends when all three were young aspiring hopefuls looking to get a break in their respective callings.

“Bill and Bev (Marsh) are my family and I love them like such. I think we all have similarities in how we grew up, you know. Kids too different for their small towns, always too much to be kept in that space without spilling over. We understand each other in a way no many people do and I think we’re very lucky to have each other.” 

Eddie adds that they all help each other with their jobs, he gets Denbrough to help with editing his stand-up bits and Marsh is now his official stylist, and he in exchange helps with book plots and has, at different points through the years, modeled for Marsh’s company.

He ends our time together by telling me he’s “very lucky to be at that point in my career where I’m able to just leave a stable job with nothing concrete in the future. It’s something not many can do.” And guarantees this is the beginning of a new stage for Eddie Kasbprak.

Eddie is excited to see where his career takes him and whether that’ll be the silver screen or stages around the country or perhaps working behind the scenes as a screenwriter, he’s yet to find out but he says the uncertainty is, for once, the best part.

++++

Facebook.com/Don?t.Call.Him.Eds.EK.Official.FanClub

** DON’T CALL HIM EDS: Eddie Kaspbrak Official Fan Club Facebook Page **

**NEW POST**

VanityFair full article

Eddie Kaspbrak Awaits For A New Future by Leslie Bennets

Here’s the link: tiny.cc/EKVanityFair0611

Published June 22 2011 4:56 PM

237 comments 548 likes

**COMMENTS**

**Katiuska A. Haas:** Thank you so much! I’ve been trying to find this!

 **John Daniels:** THIS WAS A GOOD READ BUT I WISH THEY TALKED MORE ABOUT HIS COMEDY

 **Zavy M:** @John Daniels i think the point was to show eddie asa real person but your right

 **Myra ✨💝Mrs. Kaspbrak💝✨ Wilkes:** My poor Eddie🤧 How these vultures🦇 force him to say such horrible things😡😡 Eddie’s a good man 😇😛 he’ll never say those nasty things about that dirty alcoholic Tozier 🤢 As if my Eddiebear thinks that of him 🙄🤥 Shame on you Vanity Fair, I expected better from a prestigious magazine 😡📰

 **Ziggy Starbrust⚡️:** * _admin*_ @Myra ✨💝Mrs. Kaspbrak💝✨ Wilkes he”s gay, Myra, how many more times do we have to tell you? Please respect that or I’ll have to block you from this group.

 **Myra ✨💝Mrs. Kaspbrak💝✨ Wilkes:** You won’t dare 👿👎🏻👎🏻 This is a free country 🇺🇸🗽 I can say what I want about my sweet Eddiebear😍🐻 Block me and I’ll call my lawyers 👨🏼🎓📞

 **Lilly Blues:** I see she-who-must-not-be-named is back at it… 

**Steve O. Murphy:** @Lilly Blues I hope they never block her, her comments are horrible and bordeline homophobic but they made me lol for real everything I see them. How can she be so blind?

 **Katiuska A. Hass:** Just finished reading! It was really nice to read something so intimate, Eddie is a really nice person and I’m sorry he went through all of that. Does anybody knows what’s the agency that wanted him to stay closeted?

 **Ziggy Starburst⚡️:** * _admin*_ Hi @Katiuska A. Haas many of us believe it’s Bob Gray’s Talent, they are a huge company and they handle stars like Richie Tozier, Henry and Connor Bowers and Betty Ripsom. It makes sense for Eddie to not want to say the name because they are known to be vicious.

 **Katiuska A. Hass:** Thank you for the response, Ziggy! You are a great admin!

 **Stephon 🏳️🌈🤪:** Eddie! My man! He’s so right! Richie Tozier is a fine tall broad glass of Mountain Dew! Disgusting but isn’t it a very sexy view😏👅💦

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[Audio transcript from ‘Dustin’s Morning Show’ on 96.2 LAFM. June 30, 2011.]

DUSTIN: … And we’re back from that commercial break. We’re still here with our special guest Trashmouth Tozier, so if you want a chance to win tickets for the premiere of his new movie, Dog Yard Wars, call us now at 213-5501-4555! We’ll be giving two tickets to five lucky callers before the end of the show so make sure to pick up the phone and give us a call!

DUSTIN: (CONT.) Now Richie, in this movie you voice the main villain, isn’t that right?

RICHIE TOZIER: Yeah, man! I play a Doberman called Brutus and he is a bad guy so it’s not going to end well for him but you gotta go see it to find out!

DUSTIN: I will as soon as it’s out, I promised my kids I’ll take them. 

DUSTIN: (CONT.) I don't know if you read it but there was a VanityFair article about Eddie Kaspbrak and he talked about you a little in it.

RICHIE TOZIER: Oh man! You read Vanity Fair! What? Like a pussy?

DUSTIN: My wife does, Rich. She's a big fan of Eddie, you know

RICHIE TOZIER: She is? Damn, man. That's going to make our meetings so uncomfortable... you know when I make sweet love to her, now I'll know all she's thinking about is tiny little Eddie K.

DUSTIN: Oh man, not my wife. I'll kick you out of the booth

RICHIE TOZIER: Sorry, sorry. But can you imagine, your poor wife is lusting after a little gay garden goblin. Are you doing okay, dude? Can you get it up?

DUSTIN: Yes I can, Richie. Let's stop being a Trashmouth, you're here to talk about Richie Tozier things, right?

RICHIE TOZIER: The Trashmouth never stops, my man. It’s an incurable disease. Believe me, doctors have tried to fix it and all they can say is _'this man's penis is huge, no wonder he can't shut the eff up'_. I can't curse on the radio, right?

DUSTIN: Not live radio.

RICHIE TOZIER: Oh well. Next time invite me for a prerecorded bit, you can beep out all the cursing in post.

DUSTIN: I will, Rich. Listen, about this VanityFair, I’m sure you know what was said when you came up.

RICHIE TOZIER: Sh- sorry, shoot. The same as usual I guess, that I’m a raging homophobe and specifically eddiephobe. 

DUSTIN: Are you trademarking that? You should, man.

RICHIE TOZIER: Maybe, dude. For my next show.

DUSTIN: Well yeah. It was about the video of you from 2010. I'm sure you remember which i'm talking about.

RICHIE TOZIER: Oh, for sure man. My manager was on my ass about that, made me publicly apologize. I swear TMZ edited the video to make me sound like my middle school bully.

DUSTIN: I won't put it past them, the editing I mean. Those people are like vultures circling a dying bunny.

RICHIE TOZIER: You're telling me. Anywho my peeps, I want to make it as clear as the tears your mom was dripping as I made passionate love to her last name, Dustin.

DUSTIN: Man, come on.

RICHIE TOZIER: You said not your wife.

DUSTIN: My mom’s off the table too, Richie.

RICHIE TOZIER: Aww, dude. You're not fun. 

DUSTIN: What were you going to say?

RICHIE TOZIER: Oh. Oh, right. Yes. I'm not homophobic, I just have a particular distaste for certain pint-sized germaphobe. Since I first met him, actually.

DUSTIN: Like the opposite of love at first sight?

RICHIE TOZIER: Like the French like to say _'a coup de foudre'_ except is not lighting but, I don't know. A shit ton of well, shit. Pardon my french.

DUSTIN: I'll let that slide. How did you meet? You want to tell us that story? I bet it's fascinating if not a complete disaster.

RICHIE TOZIER: Oh, dude. Prepare yourself to be disappointed. It's the story of the worst day of my life.

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) It was the day of my SNL audition, you know how I auditioned but didn't get it, right? Well, I’m sure it's because that day it was right like the freaking sky was going to fall down all over the stinky streets of New York City. And everybody knows how I dress, so of course I wasn't prepared for the weather.

DUSTIN: Oh no. I can imagine where this is going.

RICHIE TOZIER: Oh man, let me finish! So I enter the waiting area looking like the spawn of a drowning cat and the biggest sewer rat you've ever seen. I know the mind-blowing outfit I put together to impress is now a mess of dirty wet clothes on my dirty wet skinny body. 

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) I was still skinny back then; my years of horrible nutrition hadn't caught up with me yet. So you could practically see my ribs because my clothes are so wet they’re sticking to me.

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) After the receptionist looks at me like I'm the piece of gum she tried to scrap out of her weather appropriate boot, I go sit. I'm still hopeful, I was thinking that I needed to make the whole situation into a bit for them. 

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) But then I sat down on the only couch they had which you’d think they could afford better and bigger couches in there, right? It’s freaking SNL, it’s the 30 Rock building! But they didn't, so I'm almost plastered to the other dude sitting there. And you know who it was?

DUSTIN: Let me guess? Eddie Kaspbrak.

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) Eddie freaking Kaspbrak! As soon as I sat down he went 'ugh' and I heard him gag like I smelled like a burning trash-can filled with dog poop. So I turn to him and go _'that's my new good luck perfume dude, it's eau de trashmouth. It was a gift from your mom'_ and the little dude gives me the most powerful dead glare I ever received. He's full on wishing I was dead.

DUSTIN: Oh, Rich.

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) The worst part is that he looked like the antithesis of me. Pink polo shirt, khakis pants, all perfectly ironed by the way. I swear he was wearing penny loafers or something as disturbingly middle aged suburban dad. And he was like twenty four or something!

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) So I know this small pink polo wearing dude thinks he's way better than me. He's the type, I just know it! I know the execs in the audition room are going to think it so too, I know my chances are ruined after they get to see these two completely different species of men try to be funny in front of them. And I’m the one who's yet to evolve.

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) But I try to stay positive. I'd been five seconds away from hurling my instant noodle breakfast all over myself the entire day and the freaky storm weather wasn't helping! And neither was this dude looking at me like I just threw up inside his mouth!

DUSTIN: Beautiful imagery you have there, Trashmouth.

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) Thanks! 

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) I try to block this little dude from my mind and it's isn't that hard since he's like half my size and he blends into the couch fabric, it was a horrible, eye blinding shade of pink. And it's all fine until he comes out of his audition looking like the little smug cat that got the canary and then it's my turn, by this moment I'm mostly dry but it's cold in the office so I'm shivering like a starving newspaper orphan from Newsies and my nipples could cut stone, I knew I was going to make a horrible first impression.

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) And freaking Eddie Kaspbrak has the balls - the freaking balls! - to wish me good luck as he passed by me. I swear to this day that he knew it was my demise, he knew! And he was salivating for it!

RICHIE TOZIER: (CONT.) Anyway. I go in the room with execs and you won't believe who's there! Freaking Lorne Michaels! And apparently he's a neat freak or something so of course when he had to choose between the Clorox and disinfectant prince and this human disaster, he chose the spotless stuck up Eds.

DUSTIN: And that's why you don't like him...

RICHIE TOZIER: Yeah! He ruined my chance of getting on SNL, man!

DUSTIN: It's quite the story, Rich. I won't lie. It makes sense that you feel like that but it's been years, man. Don’t you think it’s time you let that go?

RICHIE TOZIER: I can't stop now, Dustin! He'll win if I do!

DUSTIN: What would he win?

RICHIE TOZIER: Life! He'll get to lord it over me forever!

DUSTIN: And we can't let that, no sir.

RICHIE TOZIER: No! We can’t! Let's change the subject, Dus. This got me gearing up for a fight.

DUSTIN: Sure. Tell me more about the new movie.

RICHIE TOZIER: Right. Freaking Brutus.

++++

Stefy🌼 **(@stefannypack)**

I can't be the only one who think R*ch** T*z**r holding a grudge against Eddie for something so dumb is ridiculous…

Jules Wong **(@juljuljul03)**

Trashmouth really just admitted hes a bitch to eddie k for something that happened like seven years ago?! I love a petty bitch

Toto **(@not1nkansas)**

this #toziervkaspbrak thing gets more ridiculous every time one of them opens their mouth i expect it from rich since hes literally trashmouth buy ya know

TrashMegs **(@veganmegan69)**

kinda sad dustin didnt say anything bout eds comment of richie being tall and broad :( my otp :( 

Eddie’s Protection Squad **(@kaspbeek)**

How can some people still ship Eddie with R/i/c/h/i/e T/o/z/i/e/r? It’s disgunting and dare I say homophobic. If you want to satiate your gay men fetish go watch porn or read some smut but leave Eddie out of it.

richie pls throw up in my throat **(@funisbeginning)**

RICHIE SPEAKING FRENCH 😍 I LOVE MY BILINGUAL FRENCH AMERICAN SIX FEET TWO BABEY 😍😍

binmouth **(@baguettetozier)**

could richie be more obvious about how much he doesnt like dog yard wars lmao he never wanted to talk about it

binmouth **(@baguettetozier)**

anyway the story of meeting e*d*e was hilarious typical richie imagine knowing whos the person behind the reason you didnt get a job suxxx

++++

Eddie Kaspbrak's iMessage Chat Log 01/14/2012

Billy 📚

{SENT} I cant fucking believe you

{SENT} You fucking traitor

{SENT} I trust you like a brother and this is how you repay me

{SENT} BY BETRAYING ME

{SENT} I didnt know you could reach this low Billy, all for some dick

[{SENT} Shame on you

SENT} YOU ARE A SHAME ON THIS FAMILY

{RECEIVED} What? Eddie?

{RECEIVED} What are you talking about?

{SENT} You KNOW what you did!! Traitor!

{SENT} This is a formal notice to let you know youre not longer invited to our bimonthly spa days anymore.

{SENT} You dont deserve that kind of luxury when youre a two faced sellout, you treacherous bitch

{SENT} Dont play innocent, I know you know what Im talking about William

{RECEIVED} I see all those years in drama school really did work for something. 

{RECEIVED} You should have been a drama actor, you're a natural at the whole Shakespearian dramatics.

{RECEIVED} You’re at Macbeth level today.

}SENT} Oh l o l

[SENT] Look how funny I think you are William

{SENT} Im dying of laughter, call the fucking ambulance

{RECEIVED} Eddie...

{RECEIVED} It's just a job. It's not like I'm replacing you with him as my best friend.

{SENT} But you might!

{SENT} People always say he's so funny! So charming! A great guy! Really friendly!

{SENT} And Im a little turd

{SENT} Thats what you called me two days ago

{RECEIVED} In my defense, you were being a little turd.

{RECEIVED} But I promise you, Eddie. He was the best guy for the role and I'm not the only one with a say in these things.

{SENT} Sure. Right. Of course.

{RECEIVED} Eddie, please.

{SENT} I'm sure Mike's happiness has nothing to do with this.

{RECEIVED} It's not like that. Richie was the best guy we saw and him being Mike's friend has nothing to do with this.

{SENT} DONT SAY HIS NAME

{RECEIVED} If we were going the nepotism way, I would have offered you the role of Nick since he's based on you.

{RECEIVED} And aren't you the one who is always saying he doesn't care about Richie Tozier?

{SENT} ****** ****** can choke on his one dick for all I care

{SENT} But dont you realize hell be at the premiere? Where I'll be too because youre my best friend? Dont you see how thats a problem? Dont you see Bill?

{RECEIVED} We're back at Bill, that's good.

{RECEIVED} I'm sure both of you will be at your best behavior that day.

{RECEIVED} I trust you, Eddie. I know you won't do anything to tarnish my movie.

{SENT} But do you trust HIM?

{RECEIVED} Mike does. And if Mike does then so do I.

{RECEIVED} But I love you Eddie which is how I know you don't really mind that he got the job, you're just feeling a bit dramatic today and you don’t really hate me.

{SENT} Not as long as you make him redo all blood scenes until his skin is permanently red.

{SENT} I love you too Billy

{RECEIVED} I’ll think about it.

{RECEIVED} Maybe stay off Twitter for a few days? Clear your head off anything ****** ****** related?

{SENT} Yes maybe

{SENT} Want to have an extra spa day this month?

{RECEIVED} I could go for a full body massage.

{SENT} Let me call Bevvy

++++

**BILL DENBROUGH AND MIKE HANLON TEAM UP AGAIN FOR NEW HORROR COMEDY MOVIE ‘THE NEWCOMERS’.**

TheHollywoodReporter.com/movies-news/1hanlon-denbrough-newcomers

Feb 26, 2012

After the huge reception their first collaboration received, director Mike Hanlon and author slash screenwriter Bill Denbrough team up for the second time with a new film that’s being described as a modern horror-comedy.

The original screenplay was penned by Denbrough, inspired by his childhood home of Derry, Maine and the troubles and deep rooted mysteries you can find in small towns. A source close to the production claims the movie is a kind of ‘parody of both genres, without being silly’ and that audiences can expect to enjoy a smart, funny and deliciously scary hour and a half of entertainment.

The film is already well into production somewhere in rural Maine and it’s set to hit theaters sometime around Halloween this year if everything moves accordingly.

The movie will focus on siblings Georgia and Thomas Ferguson as they return home for the 40th anniversary of their parents' wedding only to find they have been replaced with some strange new characters. The lead roles will be portrayed by horror movie veteran Carrie White and comedian Richie Tozier in what will be their first venture into comedy and horror respectively.

Follow @NewcomersFilm on Twitter and Instagram for more updates and news.

++++

**richiet-bocasucia:**

ok but hear me out

ive been a richie fan for years and i like eddie well enough. ive been here through the whole feud thing and i have some things to say im gonna go crazy if i dont

the whole thing is just a publicity stunt

yeah, thats my theory. richie and eddie have many friends in common so the idea that they dont hang up sometimes or know each other more personally kind of doesnt make any sense

im like 85% sure they are actually friends and the whole thing started back when they were both starting out in the industry and their pr companies just came up with this thing so people would be more interested in these two comedians

for real, they have so many mutual friends

eddie’s best friend beverly marsh who is dating that architect guy ben

ben the architect is friends with rich since college (i think so, i remember hearing about this in an old interview richie did. not much is know about this ben guy, i guess hes private)

richie best friend stan is engaged to patty blum who was on snl with eddie for three years

AND eddie and stan worked together in that one show that was cancelled after five eps in like 1999 or something

richie and stan are friends with mike hanlon the director who has worked a few times with bill denbroung or whoever you spelt his last name

bill is eddie’s childhood best friend, he’s literally the bill eddie talks about in his standup

i’m pretty sure eddie almost signed up with the same company richie’s signed to?? the one he left because of the sexuality coverup so there’s a big possibility the knew each other way back then

and who knows how many other people they both know

EDIT 03/01/2012 ok ok and now richies doing a movie with eddies best friend?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME

and youre telling me there not friends???? im sorry i dont believe that

send me your thoughts! what do you guys think?

**257 Notes**

Tagged: theories - reddie theories - richie tozier - eddie kaspbrak - trashmouth - toziervkaspbrak - the newcomers - bill denbrough - mike hanlon - patty blum - beverly marsh - stanley uris - ben the architect - whats your last name ben?! 

**fuckyeaheddiek** reblogged this:

you must be fucking off the rails uh

you think eddie’s friends with an homophobic douchebag?

he has better things to do that bother with the likes of tozier

fuck off

|

|

 **feralgaykasp** reblogged this:

please don’t tag this with Eddie’s name. Keep your weird trashmouth conspiracies to yourself.

|

|

 **stozier-k-i-s-s-i-n-g** reblogged this:

woah i don’t know if this crazy or if my third eye has been opened

++++

Top Tweets from #toziervkaspbrak 11/11/2012

Jen's fashion **(@preciousjen):**

I was a staff worker for The Newcomers premiere and I got to say, witnessing the #toziervkaspbrak fight has been one the biggest highlights of my life and Beverly Marsh stood five from me.

^^^^

 **@HaHaHannah: @preciousjen** omg do you know what started it? what's it like really bad?

^^^^

 **@preciousjen: @HaHaHannah** I didn't hear what they were fighting about before it got physical but it looked very serious and next thing I know Tozier clocked Kaspbrak in the nose, there was a lot of blood and everyone freaked out.

^^^^

 **@HaHaHannah: @preciousjen** holy shit!! Like it was tozier for real who started it! I wonder what eddie said to make him react that way!

^^^^

 **@preciousjen: @HaHaHannah** your guess it's as good as mine but it must have been harsh, Kaspbrak didn't get to hit back, their friends and security got there quickly.

richie’s bitch **(@frenchfryrich):**

You're telling me richie tozier and eddie kaspbrak got in a fistfight and there's not photos or videos?! This is homophobic #toziervkaspbrak

ollie 🍀 **(@oliveoil.ed):**

#toziervkaspbrak im 100% team eddie, i know that little bitch has so much repressed anger he could fight an army of men ten times his size and win #teamkaspbrak

BEL MET EDDIE! **(@belkvspbrvk):**

I can believe that EDDIE got in a fight with trashmouth tozier!! A real life wwe with punches and blood fight!! #toziervkaspbrak

Marius O’Conner **(@conmanmarius):**

If the #toziervkaspbrak fight is real i just wonder how the fuck 5'9" compact slim kaspbrak made it out, tozier is like a full head taller and has like 50 pounds on him

Monica B. **(@babemoni95):**

I don't know who this dudes are but two 30 something celebrities getting into a public fight has been the most entertaining thing I seen this week and it's only Wednesday #toziervkaspbrak

Karen Denise **(@KarenDHillary):**

Two rich straight white men get into a ridiculous fight and you guys act like it's free TV... #toziervkaspbrak is just prove some people don't understand their privilege 

^^^^^^

 **@ekmylove: @KarenDHillary** eddie's literally gay??? do you even know who he is or do just want to act like your superior yet again

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

THREAD OF WHAT I KNOW OF THE #TOZIERVKASPBRAK FIGHT:

*I don't claim to know exactly what happened, this is just what I saw and heard*

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

Ok so, I live in LA and I work for a high end events company, my followers know I've worked at big events where celebrities show up, things like movie premieres and closed door after parties, something I have to sign NDA but they didn't request that for this.

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

Anyway. Everything was going normal but everyone knew which celebrities were going to be there. My coworkers and I even mentioned that both Tozier and Kaspbrak were going to show up, Tozier bc he's one of the leads and Kaspbrak bc he's Denbrough's bff.

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

One of my coworkers mentioned being a fan of Kaspbrak and she said something about the rivalry, no one really cared about this but we wondered if they were going to avoid each other or something since my coworker made it sound like they really hate each other.

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

Then the actual premiere started, it took awhile for it to start getting crowded but eventually we closed the doors and it was time for the main event. Usually there's a 20 min intermission between red carpet and showing for the celebrities to chat and go to the bathroom or whatever.

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

BTW! This was a non-alcoholic event so unless either of them smuggled something or prepartied, they were both super sober!

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

I'm standing post near the bathroom, my job is basically to stand there just in case people need something and make sure no one is doing drugs or shit. So I'm there minding my business and then Eddie Kaspbrak enters the men's toilet, I play him no mind since you know, it's the bathroom.

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

BUT THEN just as he's leaving, Richie Tozier is walking in but they bump into each other. I'm pretty sure this is the first time they've been closer than ten feet and I can immediately feel the tension between them. 

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

I was close enough to hear their conversation when they were just talking and I mean talking as in feverishly arguing in a normal tone, kaspbrak's hand were all over the place, I thought he was going to pick someone in the eye

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

But I start walking closer cause they're blocking the entrance to the toilets and I'm supposed to tell them to move but I'm only like half a step closer when they start really yelling and I hear Kaspbrak yell something about being gay and the word sickness

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

It's in this moment when Tozier just loses it and I swear it felt like it happened in slow motion, I knew he was going for the punch before it happened but I didn't have time to intervene and anyway it would have ended very bad for me if I did bc I'm 5'3

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

So I take my radio to call security but the fight had already started, if you can call that a fight. Tozier punched Kaspbrak in the nose and in the midst of all the pain and blood all Kaspbrak did was push Tozier hard enough to have him almost fall on the ground

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

I think Kaspbrak was about go for it and actually start punching back even if half his was and some of this suit was covered in blood but his friend show up and Mike Hanlon takes Kaspbrak in his arms and literally LIFTS HIM UP AND AWAY

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

Stan Uris is helping Tozier but also calling him an idiot, I heard this super clearly, he said: rich wtf did you do you dumbass. So I'm just standing there waiting for security while all these celebrities are acting like it's a schoolyard fight

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

Kaspbrak is still yelling obscenities at Tozier all while still in Hanlon's arms but Tozier is half slumped on the floor kinda catatonic, I think he had an adrenaline drop after all that

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

Finally FINALLY security shows and take them to what I hope were separate rooms. Hanlon and Denbrough stay because it's obvs their movie but Beverly Marsh goes with Eddie and she holding her very expensive shall over his bleeding nose oh yo be that rich

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

And Uris and some really beefy guy take Tozier in their arms and follow a different security officer. And then Hanlon and Denbrough apologize to the rest of the people and invite them so enter the showing room and they also said they appreciate help with the situation

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

which I thought was ridiculous cause everybody, including me, stood there watching the pre-show anyway, so people start leaving the foyer and I can finally breathe, I think I held my breath for the entire time the fight was happening

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

I don't know what happened to them later but my guess is that they were asked to leave the premises and I hope they both went to a hospital cause Kaspbrak was still bleeding as he walked out of the foyer and Tozier looked like he was five seconds from fainting

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

To those asking there's no pictures of videos because this was a movie premiere and people were asked to turn off their phones and basically every guest was a celebrity so I guess they understand what privacy means.

^^^^

Tyrannosaurus Bex **(@bexmachina):**

I'm blocking replies. This is all I know guys, I don't know what provoked the punching I couldn't hear well, Kaspbrak speaks too fast and it all happened in less than five minutes.

++++

Eddie’s iMessage Chat Log 11/22/2012 9:47 PM

Bevvy👑

{RECEIVED} Hi, honey. How’s the nose?

{SENT} Hi Bev

{SENT} Its getting better, Im not so sore anymore and the swelling is almost all gone

{RECEIVED} That’s good. I’m glad you’re getting better. Those were some nasty black eyes 😖 I’m glad everything is healing nicely.

{SENT} Everything but my fucking pride

{SENT} How did the news even get out? It was a closed doors event!

{RECEIVED} People talk, sweetie.

{RECEIVED} Are you feeling up to joining me and Ben for brunch tomorrow?

{SENT} I dont know

{SENT} I still look like I lost a fistfight

{SENT} Its embarrassing

{RECEIVED} We’ll go to a place with a patio, you can wear sunglasses and not look like a douche

{SENT} Make it a place with very strong bottomless mimosas and im yours

{RECEIVED} You got it babe!

{RECEIVED} See you tomorrow 😘

++++

tra5h-m0uth:

richiefvksmymom said:

hi sally! did you see richie’s taking a three months break? 😞 i hope everything’s good with him maybe this is what he needs

\-------------

hi!!

I saw the tweets. I’m glad he’s taking this time to cool off and get better, the industry can be poisonous and i personally don’t think some of richie’s friends are a good influence on him (connor was awful and i super happy they’re not friends anymore good riddance) 

I saw that there are rumors about richie going to rehab or shit like that and i mean, would it be a bad thing if this is true? I don’t think so, if richie;s having drug or alcohol problem then is best he goes somewhere he can get help

I know lots of people are saying it is related to the thing at the newcomers’ premiere and maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. Richie is not a bad person, he is easily influenced and he’s a people pleaser and very sensitive and maybe even insecure, thats why he does the things he does not because he’s sexist or homophobic or whatever people want to call him and real fans know this 

Sorry lol I started ranting a little, but you know i love this man, i’ll fight a thousand e*d*es for him

Anyway, apparently he’s taking all of jan, feb and march off and that’s great. Im sure he’ll come back even better than ever

**63 Notes**

++++

**Richie Tozier To Take A Break From Hollywood.**

Published December 27, 2012 by E!News

In a tweet posted earlier this Tuesday, Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier and his representatives have confirmed he will be taking a short hiatus from the spotlight, claiming Tozier needs time 'to think about his mental health'.

This news comes after Tozier's behavior has become increasingly more erratic in the past few years. We all know how he punched Eddie Kaspbrak at the premiere of The Newcomers and how he's been extremely rude to his fans or the paparazzi when he's got on the streets of Los Angeles.

Many news outlets attribute this behavior to Trashmouth's drinking problems and some even say he's having issues with drug use. His drinking problems are something that have followed Tozier for years but we don't think drugs are too much of a stretch. But we do hope he's taking this time off to improve himself and come back with a cleansed lifestyle.

++++

Perez Hilton✔️ **(@ThePerezHilton)**

Is Trashmouth headed to rehab? 😱 the comedian just announced he's taking 'a break' to focus on his 'mental health'. But isn't this just code for rehab? READ MORE: phtn.com/rtt.hiatus

TMZ✔️ **(@TMZ)**

Richie Tozier will take a break from the public scene because even a celebrity needs vacations! Or does he? What is he really hiding? tmz.com/richie.tozier.vacation.rehab/eng

++++

Richie Tozier’s iMessage Chat Log

 **richie’s kept men** (groupchat)

{SENT} i want you both to know that i think this is ridiculous and unnecessary

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} I think it’ll be for you!

{RECEIVED{ {staniel} You don’t need to be drinking ten bottles of whisky a day for you to go to rehab.

{SENT} ugh

{SENT} i wish i had even two glasses on me

{SENT} this place is like a old people home meets the loony bin

{RECEIVED} {staniel} Richie, I don’t think you should be calling it that. It’s a place of healing.

{SENT} whatevs stanathon

{SENT} its draining all my good vibes🤪🤪

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} It’s only one month, Rich! 

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵}] Then you’ll have two months with a free calendar!

{SENT} *** two months of not leaving my bed, eating take out every meal and showering once a week

{SENT} can’t wait

{RECEIVED} {staniel} That’s disgusting. You’re disgusting.

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} Please promise you’ll shower more than once a week, that can’t be good for you

{SENT} ok how about twice? 

{SENT} that better?

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} I guess…

{RECEIVED} {staniel} We’ll call you every day if we can.

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} Yeah! I can tell you how the house is coming along! I think it’ll be ready when you get out.

{SENT} oh so you proposing soon then?

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} I think so, I feel like we’re ready for the next step

{RECEIVED} {staniel} You’re literally building Beverly a house, I think you’re more than ready.

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} It’s a house for both of us.

{RECEIVED} {staniel} Yeah. What I said still stands.

{SENT} shell said yes benny!! Theres not way she wont, shes crazy about you

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} I’m crazy about her too. I think I’ll wait until we’re more comfortable living together. I don’t want her to feel smothered.

{SENT} aww

{SENT} disgusting

{SENT} take your hetero bs out of my group chat

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} 😞

{SENT} i love you benny

{SENT} you too staniel

{RECEIVED} {staniel} You’ll be great, Rich. You’ll see, this is good for you.

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} Love you too buddy!

{SENT} anyways i still think this shit its too much, i wasnt that drunk

{RECEIVED} {staniel} You punched Eddie Kaspbrak in the face and broke his nose…

{SENT} he provoked me!!

{RECEIVED} {staniel} Still. You’re the one who instigated the fight.

{SENT} it wasnt even a fight! it was just one punch!

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} I think this will be good for you Richie. I never wanted to say but sometimes you do drink a little too much

{SENT} what

{SENT} no i dont

{RECEIVED} {staniel} Yes, you do. But it was never too much. Not enough to make us really worried.

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} Think of this as a preventive method, you don’t need to have stage five cancer to get treated, right?

{SENT} jesus ben nice comparison

{RECEIVED} {benathan🥵} I just think it doesn’t hurt to try.

{SENT} ill be good because youre asking

{RECEIVED} {staniel} Here’s hoping you come back a changed man.

{SENT} fuck off 🖕🏻

++++

Richie Tozier✔️ **(@trashmouth):**

Trashmouth’s back, alright! Yes, that’s a backstreet boys pun, my friend loves them and has dragged me to every concert since 1999

Richie Tozier✔️ **(@trashmouth):**

I’m back from the depths of my cave aka under my bed sheets to let everybody know that my very own jiminy cricket (stan) and your favorite trash talking raccoon (me) are working on a new series! Yowzaa!

Richie Tozier✔️ **(@trashmouth):**

We can’t say much yet but it’ll be coming to hulu sooner than i can make your mom climax

^^^^ Stanley Uris **(@Uris_Stan): @trashmouth** Could you please announce this like a normal person?

Stanley Uris✔️ **(@Uris_Stan):**

Richie and I are working on a series for Hulu. It’s still very early stages but we hope to get it ready for you as soon as we can.

Stanley Uris✔️ **(@Uris_Stan):**

We’re in early pre-production but everybody involved is very excited. It’s inspired by our childhoods and every sci-fi film we loved as kids. That’s all I can say for now.

++++

Rock, Paper, Scissors✔️ **(@RPSHulu)**

 **#RockPaperScissorsOnHulu** a new series written and created by **@Uris_Stan** and **@trashmouth** Season 1 coming October 08, 2014!

hulu.com/rockpaperscissors

137 Following 79.6 Followers

++++

Top Tweets related to 86th Academy Awards

January 16, 2014

Entertainment Weekly✔️ **(@WE)**

Eddie Kaspbrak's starring role in his first drama movie earned him a Academy Awards nomination but is the comedian good enough to beat drama veterans Bale, DiCaprio and McConaughey? ew.com/oscars-2013/nominees

People✔️ **(@people)**

The unexpected nominee of this year' Oscars is independent film 'Loved' as it earns five Oscars nominations including Best Picture and Best Actor for Eddie Kaspbrak. See the full scoop here: people.com/movies/academy-awards-2014/nominations

TMZ✔️ **(@TMZ)**

Could Eddie Kaspbrak win his first #Oscars with his performance as Walter Johnson in the underdog film 'Loved'? Or is Leo finally getting his golden statute? What do you think? Vote for your favorite here: tmz.com/poll-oscars-2014/male+lead+role

Variety✔️ **(@Variety)**

Oscars nominations are here! 12 Years a Slave, The Wolf of Wall Street, American Hustle and Loved are some of the contenders for Best Picture. See full list of nominations here: variety.com/86-academy-awards/nominations-categories

++++

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

IT'S OSCARS DAY! GOOD LUCK BABY **@eddiekaspbrak** !!

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

i'm going to be very annoying tonight, i'm gonna live tweet the oscars just because eddie is there probably looking beautiful 😭

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

this red carpet is so boring 🙄 i used to watch these things all the time when i was kid before i came to my senses, now its a bunch of rich people patting each other's back

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp)**

HE'S HERE HOLY SHIT HE LOOKS SO GOOD

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

HIS SUIT IS RED WITH LIKE LITTLE WHITE DOTS! IM 🥰❤️😍💕😭💗😢💓🥰💞💖🥺💘 HE A LIDDOL BABEY 

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

ok they're interviewing him now, he looks so nervous, baby's first oscars 😢

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

aw he's wearing a marsh design. edbev best friendship edbev supremacy

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

this lady asking if eddie brought a date, mind your business who cares ask him about the movie

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

gosh this interviewers only care about dumb shit ASK HIM ABOUT THE MOVIEEEEE

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

ok so now that you only have for one questions you ask about something not so dumb i see

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

'would you ever play a gay character in a drama film' 🙂🙂 maybe if hollywood gave a ounce of a fuck about good representation and diversity he would

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

'i'll have to write the movie myself' OH SHIT EDDIE SNAPPED

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

SCREENWRITER EDDIE PLEASE STEP ON ME

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

I WOULD DIE IF EDDIE EVER MAKES S MOVIE

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

ok now he left and i muted the tv cause i don't care about anybody else, i'll be back in four hours when they finally announce his category

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

i lied. i'm back. can you guys believe they give lgbtqa+ roles to white straight men and they still pat themselves in the back? i hate this

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

everybody saying leo will win best actor idk, chiwetel ejiofor was really good (yes i had to google how to spell his name sorry man)

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

i know the likelihood of eddie winning is very low there's so many good actors in the same category but i still support my little baby eddie

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

i think i'll have a heart attack if i'm proved wrong and eddie wins COULD YOU IMAGINE

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

muted this again, be back soon

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

ITS TIME can't wait to see eddie's face when they focus on him, they haven't show him on screen as much as they should, he is HANDSOME show me his FACE and ANIME EYES

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

oh, he didn't win but he's now eddie kaspbrak academy award nominee so

tony (she/they) **(@feralgaykasp):**

goodnight guys, sorry for the spam

++++

[Audio transcript from “Daily Comedy News: a podcast about comedians” April-17-2014 “John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch, Tozier vs Kaspbrak and movies disasters” 5min37s]

00:03:24

(…) The Tozier vs Kaspbrak feud continues! A few weeks ago news came out that Eddie Kaspbrak was in talks to star in a new NBC sitcom but yesterday a representative announced Kaspbrak had hastily backed out of the contract. This news comes mere days after it was confirmed that Richie Tozier has signed up for a recurring role and we all know how much these two really can’t stand each other. Just imagine having to work with them! The set would burn down only two hours into the first day! I say it’s for the best but to see the lengths Kaspbrak has gone to avoid Tozier; he’s willing to miss out on a starting role but he is an Oscars nominated actor now, he can get away with some diva behavior once in a while.

(…)

++++

[Audio Transcript from Eddie Kaspbrak’s Stand-Up Act “Eddie Kaspbrak Presents: Perfectly Average Height”. June 4, 2014 9:00 pm Central Time. The Chicago Theatre. Chicago, Illinois.]

[Voice Over] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Eddie Kaspbrak!

[Instrumental music]

Good evening, Chicago! Thank you! Thank you! 

Hello! How’s everyone? Good? Great, that’s fantastic.

I’m so happy to be here tonight Chicago. I’m so glad that you finally get to experience what it's like to have a good comedian in your city, it feels great, doesn’t it?

I love Chicago, I really do. It’s a beautiful city, it reminds me of home. I live in New York and everybody always asks me “ _Eddie, it’s been almost two decades, how come you’ve never used the subway?_ ” This is a true fact, I have never used the subway to get anywhere in New York and I’ve been living there since I was eighteen years old. Everything in that city is a cesspool of germs and disease, everything is caked in a layer of dirt and everybody is a fucking douchebag. I hate the New York subway and New Yorkers, and I know what you’re asking yourself: _‘why don’t you move?’_ I don’t plan on ever moving out, I love my fucking apartment; it took me months to find something decent! I can’t start all over again in another dirty city!

Chicago is a lot like New York, it’s beautiful, there’s lots of big buildings and people always look like they’re too busy and heading somewhere. But at least, people here are nice.

In New York everybody’s a fucking asshole. That’s a stereotype but it’s real. I hate to say it but it’s the truth. Everybody’s too busy to give a fuck about anybody other than themselves. In fact, it’s one of the questions on college applications. I know ‘cause I applied for a bunch of schools in New York. _“Are you one the biggest scums of the Earth? Would you tell your mother to fuck off with no hesitation? Circle yes or not.”_ It’s a prerequisite to move there. They don’t let you in if you’re nice.

So every single person in New York’s a rude asshole and no one apologizes when they spill your overpriced pretentious venti iced americano after bumping into you on their rush to get to yet another long ass meeting that could have easily been an email. They just walk right past you and call _you_ the asshole!

I fit right in! This true, I’ve done that before, I’ve been the asshole drinking the overpriced coffee.

It’s actually surprising how well I integrated into life in the city considering I was born in a small town in Maine which is the worst kind of small town in America.

Maine is so far up North it might as well be a different country and it’s so secluded it feels like it’s still stuck fifty years in the past. Every time I go back there, I regress to my thirteen year old self; short shorts and fanny pack included. It’s a nightmare.

Small towns in Maine are a lot like those quaint, cozy small towns you read about in books. Everybody does know each other but unlike books, everybody is an asshole so I guess in a sense it’s not that different to New York.

No, wait. It is different. In a city as big and populated as New York nobody cares if you’re an asshole because everybody else is too. Nobody cares if you're an asshole to the poor minimum wage worker who’s making your coffee or to the random stuck up businessman you bumped on the sidewalk. The only thing those miserable people can do is talk shit about you to their coworker or make their assistant cry for a minuscule reason. And the circle of assholeliness keeps on going, that’s New York.

In small towns, everybody knows who you are. Either they know you by name or by association. You know, “ _oh, there goes poor Susan’s son breaking havoc behind the school_ ” and “ _that’s John’s cousin, I heard he smokes cigarettes at the park where the kids can see him, the outrage_ ”.

But unlike big cities, in small towns you can’t pretend you don’t know the asshole who just called you an asshole! It’s impossible! And now you’ll be known forever as the poor little asmathic kid whose mother never lets him leave his house. It doesn’t matter how old you get or everything that you’ve achieved, that’s you for the. Rest. Of. Eternity.

I’ve only gone back to Derry a handful of times since I left and everytime I’m there someone calls me _‘the little sickly Kaspbrak boy’_. I hate those fucking people.

I don’t know if you know this about me but i’m gay. I’ve been gay my whole life but most people didn’t know this about me until I officially came out. It was strange, to me, that people didn’t know with just one look at my whole being because I spent all my school years being harrassed for being gay.

And I didn’t even know I was gay back then! But before the internet was a thing, mean kids weren’t creative in their insults and they really had a way of knowing all your secrets.

I didn’t fully embrace my gayness until I made it to college. College was my first taste of independence; I had finally stood up to my mother and left town with no plans of ever looking back. Air was never as fresh as that day.

People look at me now and think “ _what a nice young man! Such a fine gentleman!_ ” But in college I was _wild_. I was an undomesticated feral creature. I’m not going to get into any details but let’s just say that I was being _very_ safe. Oh yeah, I was a wild, feral, just-came-out-gay creature… but still a germaphobe.

Even with all my issues and asking my partners to wear gloves, getting laid wasn’t hard. I mean, some things were definitely hard. But every closeted jock at NYU wanted a piece of this formerly 5’5” germaphobe, even with gloves and the STIs tests.

As you probably can tell, growing up in Maine didn’t go as well for me as all those novels set in a small town make it out to be. Anyway, we all know only people who have never lived in a small town like those sort of books, because they wouldn’t like them if they had. Believe me, I’m an expert on the subject. I hold a PhD on small town living. That’s what I went to NYU for.

My childhood was pretty normal despite everything, I was born in nineteen-eighty so I’m sure everybody can picture it perfectly. But if you can’t, I’m going to paint the picture for you, ok?

A short, temperamental queer kid, he only has two friends and one of these friends is his other friend’s younger brother. Yeah, I know. Real fucking sad. What a fucking loser. This kid barely leaves his house because his mother is convinced he will pick up a disease and then _die_ if he so much as touches the grass. He wears short shorts with polos and _never_ leaves his house without his fanny pack.

So this kid is short, he’s angry, his mom’s mentally abusive, he’s not straight and he only has two friends. And to top it all like the little cherry on top of horrible childhoods... This kid is also bullied.

I know it doesn’t surprise anyone that I, a comedian, was bullied as a child. But my childhood bully wasn’t like the others. Oh no, he was special. So special that, and you _won’t_ believe this, he was kidnapping and murdering kids as he kicked my ass in the middle school playground.

Yeah. That’s fucked up all right! Don’t worry though, I’ve been seeing a therapist. It’s not just you I tell this shit to. 

He’s in jail now, by the way; has been for many years but still, it’s a miracle I’m here. Looking back as an adult, it’s horrifying to think that my bully was a child murderer because of all the things I imagined he could have done to me, murder was not one of them. At all! Spitting on my face? Yeah! It happened every day after sixth period. Stealing and breaking my collectible train models? Yeah! Calling me all the gay slurs in the world? Hell yeah! He even had favorites. All those things were on my mind everytime I saw him lurking on the school entrance, but murder? Fuck no, I was twelve!

I was a short kid. My growth spurs were very consistent in the way that I only grew half an inch every two years for about a decade so I was always short for my age.

I didn’t get this tall until I was twenty-two in college, it was embarrassing but I was resigned to that, it was my cross to bear. I was always going to be short; I knew I could never go to a concert and stand in the pit because I wouldn’t be able to see shit and people would walk all over me going _“what’s this ten year old doing here? Who let him in and gave him alcohol?”_ My jeans would always be cuffed because I couldn’t find properly fitting ones that didn’t come from the kids section and this was when cuffed jeans stopped being cool so it was;kt nice for me.

It was so bad that I was a college junior and sometimes people confused me for a _high school freshman_ …

Until one day, I woke up and now I was a college junior and I had to buy an entirely new wardrobe; my jeans fit me like capris and my tees reached my belly button so you can imagine the kind of stares I got until I could afford to buy new clothes. 

I really shot up four inches in two weeks at twenty-two, it was both horrible and the best thing that happened to me.

I’m 5’9” now and that’s great. But sometimes I still get called short despite being a perfectly average height for an American man my age. It’s not my fault some people look like those inflatable dancing dolls you see at car sales.

Right? It’s not like I’m the weirdo. There’s people walking around looking like Sasquash descendants. I’m not pointing any fingers but we all know who I’m talking about, all right? Very hairy with horrible fashion sense, yep. That guy.

I’m not saying any of this to be mean. Isn’t it more rude to call someone short than to call them tall? Everybody wants to be tall! That’s not a bad thing!

Being short is bad when you’re a man, it is. It has somehow become denigrating which is ridiculous! I try not to let that bother me but sometimes it still does. Someone would be talking about me and say that I’m short and I’d get so fucking angry, I’m not short. 5’9” is _not_ short. People today have just started believing that anything below six foot tall is short, oh you’re five nine? Oh what little baby, look how tiny you are. Fuck you! It’s a perfectly average height!

We should start making fun of tall people! I have had enough of tall people supremacy, let the short people rule now! _Oh you have to squat down to pass through a doorway or you’ll get a booboo? Cry me a river, you mutated giraffe!_

++++

 **lucyinthesky-withstozier** :

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS S01EP02 SPOILER FREE REVIEW

You can find my review of Ep.1 ‘The Beginning’ **here**.

Title: Let It Go, It's Summer

Written by Stanley Uris and Richie Tozier

Directed by Kay McCall

This episode started picking up speed; we're still getting to know the characters and the supernatural plot is finally really beginning. The pilot was interesting because it introduces the characters and sets up the plot but I feel like we're ready to head into the real business right away.

This episode does a good job showing that Lewis, Jack and Tommy are very different people (and fleshed out characters) despite being best friends; they spend most of the ep arguing about what to do and they play rock paper scissors a lot to make decisions which I think will be a thing in the series.

We're finally properly introduced to Tommy's twin sister Izzy, she overhears the boys talking about what they found and demands to be included. So now we have the complete gang, I'm very happy about this because the trailer made me really excited to see Izzy.

Something with a creepy 'zombie' happens to Jack but if i talk too much about it I'll spoil it for you. Anyway, this thing happens and he runs to Tommy's house where Tommy actually treats him like a friend and not an asshole as he did for most of the first episode. I like that they're showing them as real teenage boys that can be a bit cruel even to their friends.

Halfway through the episode, the gang goes to the supermarket to find something that will apparently protect them (Lewis has been going to the library for research) from whatever is happening to their town. Here they meet with 'Dr. K' (who if you ask me, is clearly based on comedian Eddie Kaspbrak, I don't know how Stan let Richie get away with writing him in). Dr. K is mean to the kids and I think we're supposed to get the feel that Dr. K isn't entirely human. I definitely don't trust or like him. He's a possible future villain??

They run into some ultimately harmless danger but they start to notice that more things are getting weirder, it's not just the zombie like people anymore. Through all of this, Jack keeps insisting they need to 'let it go' because it's summer and they shouldn't be worrying themselves about dangerous things. But Izzy gathers the troops and says that no one else will do it so they start to get serious about the weird things going on.

The episode ends with them going back to where they found the portal (not a spoiler cause this was in the trailers!) a few days ago only to find that it's gone.

So now the question is: will everything go back to how it was? Or was the town of Little Rock changed forever?

The episode overall was really good, the characters get some development, we're introduced to some new elements of the show and the jokes are getting better as we get more familiar with the characters and not only that but also fit the setting and the time this takes place. The supernatural aspect is also more present, something that I really liked is that it feels like only Tommy, Jack, Lewis and Izzy can feel something is going on; this makes it feels like the stakes are against them and makes me root for them even more.

Episode three's review is coming in two days, real life is getting to me. Sorry!

**298 Notes**

Tagged: rock paper scissors - rps - rps on hulu - jack keller - izzy mclean - tommy mclean - lewis donoghue - hulu - rps review - richie tozier - stanley uris

++++

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

It’s going to take more than writing a caricature of me as a villain in your dumb ‘every scifi movie ripoff’ show for me to stop thinking you’re a fraud and frankly, not funny at all.

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

I won’t apologize for this, you think I’m being too harsh? Tell that to all the trashmouth fans in my mentions harassing me everyday just because I’m a gay comedian and you give them blanket permission to do it.

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

It’s the same shit always, mindless brodudes repeating the things that have been said about me because they lack originality. 

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

It used to be that I didn’t give a fuck about it but it’s 2015 and we should hold people accountable for their actions.

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

Sometimes when situations become ridiculous it means they should stop. Grow up, this isn’t a middle school playground.

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

Anyway, I’ll be taking a break from social media for sometime, I’ll still be working just not present here or my Instagram.

milo ren **(@runeddierunj:**

eddie really said that about rps 😳🤭 i mean he’s kinda right…

corey⛷ **(@cor_goes_south):**

I knew Eddie had homophobic bastards in his replies but I didn’t know it was this bad😢😢 All he wants is to be a funnyman, let him be a funnyman!!

patty blum’s wife🥰 **(@blummingbirds):**

eddie k really said is 2015 stop being homophobic @ r*ch** t*z**r and your army of overgrown frat douches and good for him. but im glad hes leaving this g-dforsaken website

^^^^patty blum’s wife🥰 **(@blummingbirds):**

but i’ll miss the ig pics of his doggos 😭🥺 ill miss them

++++

Richie Tozier’s iMessage Chat Log 01/23/2015

benathan🥵

{RECEIVED} Hi, Rich.

{RECEIVED} We haven’t received your RSVP yet. We need to check for the meals.

{SENT} heyyy

{SENT} about that

{SENT} 😬😅

{RECEIVED} What's wrong? Please tell me you’re not bailing…

{SENT} i may or may have not scheduled a voice acting gig for the same day

{SENT}} sorry

{RECEIVED} Richie

{SENT} its only the engagement party man!! its all good!! i promise i wont do this for the wedding!!

{RECEIVED} Is this because Eddie’s going to be there? 

{RECEIVEd} Bev said he promised to be good. 

{SENT} i just i dont think im ready to face him you know

{SENT} last time we were in the same building i punched him in the face

{SENT} he called me out on my bulshit on twitter of all places

{SENT} and youre having a open bar so you know

{RECEIVED} I thought you weren’t drinking anymore

{SENT} im not but who knows what could happen when i see kaspbrak

{SENT} you know how he makes me feel

{RECEIVED} Yeah, I get it Rich 😞

{RECEIVED} I can’t force you if you’re going to be uncomfortable around him.

{RECEIVED} I’m not happy about this but I’ll let it pass.

{RECEIVED} But you are coming to the wedding! Not buts!

{SENT} ofc dude i wont miss it for the world

{SENT} thanks benny boy ur the best

{RECEIVED} I won’t be mad about it if you let me rebuild the patio in your LA house… and let Bev dress you for the wedding…

{SENT} oh benjamin 😲

{SENT} people think youre a sweet sweet angel but youre a conniving devil

{SENT} you know i love my ugly patio we match

{RECEIVED} 😈

{RECEIVED} I’ll do anything to make my wedding day the best day of Bev’s life.

{RECEIVED} Don't sell yourself short Richie! You’re a catch!

{SENT} tell that to all my past boyfriends, i dont think they agree

{SENT} but youve got yourself a deal bennifer !!

{SENT} the things i do for love, letting someone else dress me in boring clothes 😩😩😩

{RECEIVE} ☺️

{SENT} i love you and im sorry

{RECEIVED} It’s okay Richie. I love you too.

++++

**Eddie Kaspbrak Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions | WIRED**

834,429 views • one week ago

_______________________________________

Published on March 20, 2015

Comedian and actor Eddie Kaspbrak takes the WIRED Autocomplete Interview and answers the internet's most searched questions about himself. What's Eddie Kaspbrak's biggest movie? Is Eddie Polish? How does Eddie Kaspbrak know Beverly Marsh? Eddie answers all these questions and more!

**COMMENTS**

**SUGA IS MY KING:**

eddie really said i dont hate trashmouth but he looks like this animated characters thats all forehead

^^^ **saranghae bts:** SUGA IS MY KING another bts fan who likes eddie! anyway eddie is right and he should say it

**Brian Green:**

"Is eddie kaspbrak gay?" 🤣 who searched that lmao ofc he’s gay in what world are you living?

**NathanDoesComedy:**

I can’t be the only one who is kind of over this whole Tozier V Kaspbrak thing, right. I think it’s the only thing the media focuses on and not Eddie’s or Richie’s careers. 

**jacques prince of the clowns**

i’m 100% team eddie but i feel richie tozier also has his own issues to deal with and that's why he comes across as a huge asshole sometimes :/

^^^ **NathanDoesComedy** jacques prince if the clowns Yes, I definitely feel the same. Am I the only one who thinks Richie Tozier is an entire different person to Trashmouth? Like that's his on-stage persona, not who he really is, you know.

**toesure-assbrak:**

4:37 "i dont hate richie tozier but i wish i did, dude broke my nose and let me tell you, it was a horrible punch I think it did worse damage to his own fingers than he did to my nose. i wish i hated richie tozier, i deserve to. and he needs someone to knock down his ego. his forehead is already big enough, it’s a miracle he fits through doorways with a head that big. he looks like megamind, you know megamind right, thats richie tozier. a dreamworks animator saw richie tozier was inspired to draw a character with the biggest head in the world" omg eddie wtf lol

**Olga B:**

Eddie's favorite comfort food are macaroons 😭 oh I love you you bougie little man

++++

[Buzzfeed’s “Our Top Ten Favorite Celebrity Rivalries”. Published 04/15/2015]

**3\. Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak**

If this list was made three years ago, these two wouldn't have made it this high but after their usually verbal sparring turned physical at the movie premiere of Tozier’s The Newcomers we simply had to bump them up a few places! We can't resist a good old fashioned fistfight!

They’re known for taking jabs at each other, sometimes more vicious than others and their rivalry is so strong it even affects their personal lives, Tozier bailed on the celebration of his best friend Ben's engagement to fashion mogul Beverly Marsh just because she’s Eddie’s friend! And Eddie has backed out of good acting roles only because Richie's linked to the production. We all know about the infamous fight that left Kaspbrak with a broken nose and Tozier with swollen knuckles. These two take their rivalry very personal and we love to be here to see it.

++++

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

What a big step for LGBTQ+ rights! Today is a great day, there’s still so much to do but things are looking good! Let’s celebrate! #LoveIsLove #LoveWins

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

I’m very excited that we have this right now, that someday I’ll get to marry the love of my life and I’m happy that so many couples get to do that starting today. Ten years years ago this wasn’t possible for many of us and now it is and this is why we celebrate.

LOVE WON! **(@averageddie): @eddiekaspbrak** LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!?! YOU DATING SOMEONE?! EDDIE WHAT THE FUCKKK! THIS DAY CANT GET BETTER

^^^^ Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak): @averageddie** I’m not dating anyone, I’m still tragically single. I meant in the future, a hypothetical love of my life. But thanks for your support!

++++

Posted in r/celebritrygossip • 7h ago

**Pictures of aggressively straight comedian Richie Tozier leaving a bar with another man get leaked.**

**~**

i don’t know if people care about richie tozier but these pictures of him where posted by tmz and he is literally at a gay bar flirting and kissing a man and leaving with the man!

isn't he supposed to be straight? My brother in law loves his acts and his whole trashmouth personality because it’s exactly what you would expect a former frat boy likes, horrible sexist jokes about hating your girlfriend and cheating on her or just incredibly bigoted and homophobic jokes

so I was super surprised when I logged in to twitter and saw everybody was talking about this thing and saying he’s gay now???

Source: twitter.com/tweet/5726383

\----- angel-in-hell-now • 5h ago

This entire thing is so ridiculous. If he is gay or bi, then he got outed which is horrible. And people just keep sharing the photos like this isn’t a big deal. Outing somebody is not nice. He probably kept it a secret for a reason.

I don’t see how this could be a publicity stunt or just a lie.

He clearly is gay and has been keeping in a secret for a reason. I supposed he’s afraid or something.

\----- freethenipple74 • 5h ago

Everybody knew Trashmouth was gay anyway, this is just confirmation lol

\----- mycatsayshello • 5h ago

I don’t think it’s a lie but I think man deserves his privacy and people should stop sharing the pictures. 

It is very sad he spent so many years hiding who he was and even if he’s a celebrity known for being problematic, he’s still human.

I don’t think this excuses his behavior at all, he should own up to what he’s done in the past and try to be better. The LGBT+ community won’t immediately be nice to him and I’m sure his career is going to take a pungle but I hope he learns from his past and becomes a good gay role model. People deserve the chance to grow and hopefully, Richie Tozier realizes this is his chance.

\----- FitMommy87 • 5h ago

Did anyone else notice how the pictures look like they were taken months ago? The place it’s full of St.Patrick’s Day decorations, I recognized them because I got the same centerpieces for my dinner party. I bought them at Hobby Lobby, it must be a nice bar.

++++

[Description of a set of five photographs

The first photograph shows a lowly lit bar with St. Patrick’s Day theme decorations hung on the ceilings and on the tables with the napkin holders and salt and pepper shakers. The focus is on two men sitting close to each other. One man is noticeably taller with broad shoulders and a square defined jaw, his hair is black and it curls over his ears and forehead, he wears a pair of black rimmed glasses and a hawaiian shirt over a plain black t-shirt. The other man is not as visible, his back is to the camera, his hair is a light brunette color and cut short to his scalp, he is slim and wiry and he wears a dark collared shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The men are leaning their heads towards each other. Over the tabletop, their hands are close but quite touching yet.

The second photograph shows the same men, this time standing closer. The short man, his face still obscured by the angle of the camera, has his hand resting on the taller man’s chest under his hawaiiain shirt. The taller man holds a short glass to his face. He is laughing.

The third photograph shows the men kissing. The shorter man is partly obscuring the taller man’s face but he is still visible enough to the camera to see him clearly. The taller man holds the shorter man’s head with his hand.

The fourth photograph shows both men standing from their seats, a few bills are set on the table. The shorter man is tilting his head back to look up at the taller man and as he drinks from a beer bottle.

The fifth photograph shows both men leaving the bar from a different angle. Their backs are to the camera but their clasped hands are visible between their bodies.]

++++

Trending Topics - Worldwide

1 **#LoveIsLove**

102.5k Tweets

2 **WE LOVE YOU LOUIS**

82.1k Tweets

3 **Trashmouth**

78.4k Tweets

4 **#ShyPeopleCanRelate**

69.4k Tweets

5 **Richie Tozier**

64k Tweets

6 **Happy Birthday Harry Potter**

63.8k Tweeks

7 **#TrashmouthTozier**

63.5k Twees

8 **leaked**

52.8k Tweeks

9 **Hogwarts**

49.9k Tweets

10 **June 31st**

47.3k Tweets

++++

Carrie White✔️ **(@carriewhite_):**

Very sad to see it’s 2015, only days after the LGBTQA+ community celebrated a wonderful milestone and yet here we are, outing people just because they’re famous and you get a big check for the pictures.

Carrie White✔️ **(@carriewhite_):**

With no regard to how these people feel, just doing it for the views and the money. Where has people’s sense of humanity gone?

Henry Bowers✔️ **(@TheRealHBowers):**

Always knew richie tozier was a dirty fag. He tried to come onto my cousin more than once when they worked together on tmab. I warned him to stay away from him. But not only is he a fairy he is only a retarded hack.

Henry Bowers✔️ **(@TheRealHBowers):**

Everybody at gray’s talent knows he uses ghostwriters for all of his acts. Someone who loves to be on his knees that much will never be funny.

Dan Torrance✔️ **(@DannyTOfficial):**

I already knew entertainment media was filled with merciless people but it’s still disappointing to see so many magazines and ‘sources’ sharing information that shouldn’t be shared by anyone.

Dan Torrance✔️ **(@DannyTOfficial):**

I support my good friend and former castmate during this time. Richie has always been a great man and this doesn’t change that but we shouldn’t be putting our noses where they clearly shouldn’t be.

Mike Hanlon✔️ **(@DirectorHanlon):**

I love you and support you my friend **@trashmouth** And to everyone else, please stop sharing these very private pictures of Richie.

Steve Covall✔️ **(@ManagerSteveC):**

On behalf of my client Richie Tozier **@(trashmouth)** , here’s our comment on the situation: richietozier.com/statement/june-2015/

++++

Richie Tozier’s iMessage Chat Log 06/31/2015

From: Eddie Kaspbrak (SNL)

{RECEIVED} Hey.

{RECEIVED} I know we’re not friends and we don’t get along. But I want to say I’m sorry this happened to you, no one deserves this. Coming out should be on your terms, when you want to and however you want to do it. It’s unfair that someone took that from you.

{DRAFT} fuck off

{DRAFT} the fuck you want me to say

{DRATF} thanks for pitying me man??

{RECEIVED} I can see you typing.

{RECEIVED} You don’t have to answer.

{RECEIVED} Just know I’m here if you need someone to talk to.

{DRAFT} i have friends for that shit

{DRAFT} i cant talk to you about this bullshit

{DRAFT} im sorry im so shitty to you

{DRAFT} you make feel shit that scares me

{DRAFT} fuck

{SENT} 👍🏻

++++

Connor Bowers✔️ **(@ConnorBOfficial):**

Read my interview with **@People** where I discuss my stint in **@DWTS** , my new podcast and how it was like to be in Three Men and a Baby all those years ago. people.com/interview/connor-bowers-talks-his/career/937

Tweeted on July 15, 2015 06:32 PM

++++

**bichieritch:**

Anonymous said:

Can you believe connors bowers is using richie getting outed to get his name out there? It's disgusting. At least his monster of a cousin got his twitter suspended

\----------------

I saw the article. I'm not surprised about it really. Not coming from one the bowers. They are both horrible opportunists and huge homophobes and racists so it really shouldn't surprise anyone that he released an article about how richie was always coming onto him during TMAB. he's trying to get people interested in him even if his career is basically over

Just don't give him the satisfaction of giving him attention or watching his shows and hopefully he'll stop mentioning richie everywhere

++++

Eddie Kaspbrak ✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak):**

Some people should mind their own business. Just because it’s public knowledge doesn’t mean you should be talking about it… Especially if no one asked your opinion.

eddie’s left dimple **(@dontcallme3ds):**

@EddieK_ damn boy, mention him next time we all know who you indirecting

++++

**RICHIE TOZIER MAKES FIRST PUBLIC APPEARANCE AFTER HIS COMING OUT**

Published by JustJared on April 18, 2016.

 **Richie Tozier** made big news last summer after leaked pictures showed a side of the comedian the public wasn't aware of. Back when it happened, his only comment on the situation was a statement released by his managing team confirming he is gay and perhaps even more surprising, revealing that most of his stand-up routines had been written by ghostwriters.

The 36 year old comedian has since left the spotlight and only been briefly spotted buying groceries or leaving his home to walk his newly acquired dog companion, Han. His reclusive behavior was strange for a man who spent is entire career so far shouting for the public's attention and he was barely spotted for the last few months until last Sunday when he was seen having brunch with friends Ben Hanscom, fashion designer **Beverly Marsh** and fellow comedian **Eddie Kaspbrak.**

In the photos taken, Tozier seems in good spirits as he dons his usual brightly colored hawaiian shirt. He is captured joking with his brunch mates in a relaxed manner as he enjoys some mimosas and the nice spring weather of Los Angeles.

Outings with his friends Ben and Beverly are not unusual for the comedian but this new development of hanging out with his known rival is definitely something to notice. Is Eddie acting as a helping hand in Tozier's new life as an out gay man or are the two comedians taking their relationship from rivalry to something else?

It is unclear what this new friendship implies but we hope Richie is enjoying being out in the wild as much as he’s enjoying those mimosas.

**COMMENTS:**

**Anon:** it's funny how this dude got outed last year and now the media is just doing what they do best and assuming two people hanging out are automatically dating, typical.

 **Jen:** so two gay men having brunch with a straight couple means that their together, please🙄 

**Anon:** O-M-G😱😱 new fave OTP!! Their ship name should be Reddie or maybe Tozbrak?🧐

++++

**A Conversation with Richie Tozier.**

By Adrian Mellon

Attitude Magazine

May 21, 2016

After a tumultuous second half of 2015 and horde of unexpected changes, Richie Tozier comes back to the spotlight a different man with a new perspective on life. Attitude sat with the comedian to discuss life after his unforeseen outing, his departure from his long time management agency and what he expects from his career in a new light.

**Attitude: Hi, Richie. Thank you for taking the time to sit with us and have this conversation. We know it hasn't been an easy year for you, how have you been?**

**Richie Tozier:** Aw, thanks for having me, man. I feel it's about time I'm mentioned in Attitude for a good reason, dude. It's great to know people won't complain about me. I was going to say people won't hate me but we both know that's impossible, I have an easy face to hate or so I've been told. It's been a difficult year for me, yeah dude, I'm not gonna lie. But I think I'm doing good right now, I like to think so at least.

**A: That's very good to hear. I'm glad everything seems to be getting better. It's a slow progress, I imagine. Tell me, how have you moved forward in your life after what happened last June? It must have been hard to have your entire life and career changed so fast.**

**RT:** Well. It was hard, for sure. I was very depressed right after it happened, you know. The full thing; like not leaving my house, sitting in the same stinky pajamas for weeks, eating only take out, not talking to anyone. It was awful but my friends were very understanding and they really helped me even when I didn't want them to. Full midlife crisis at Casa de Tozier.

**A: Do you feel some of these changes were good for you? I understand Gray's Talent let you go a few weeks after the photos went online.**

**RT:** Umn. I guess. Yeah. I mean, when I signed with them I made the decision to stay in the closet. I was all up for it, I didn't want anyone to know about me, man. But now it feels different, it's a different time and people are different. Most people. My agency left me after I refused to release a statement saying it wasn't true but I just couldn't do it. Maybe I'm in a place where I'm more comfortable with who I am and I just couldn't bring myself to deny it anymore. I've been playing the overgrown frat boy role for too long and it just got exhausting. 

**A: How is your career going to change? Is it safe to say you're going to rebrand?**

**RT:** Oh, yeah, dude. For sure. I have to, you know? The whole Trashmouth thing became this guy I didn't recognize anymore. It used to be a nickname Stan (Uris) gave me when we were kids, because I never learned to shut up and now it is a name people relate to bigotry and horrible things that I don't want to associate myself with anymore. I'm sure I'll lose a big portion of my audience if I haven't already but it's a sacrifice I'm very willing to make. Let those awful people find some other sexist, homophobic comedian to support, I'm over all that bullsh*t.

**A: Speaking of your audience, are you aware some people in the LGBT+ community feel that you shouldn't be a part of it? After some of the things you've said in the past, it's understandable were these people are coming from saying this.**

**RT:** Dude. Yeah. You should have seen my twitter mentions the first few weeks after the photos got leaked. People are brutal, and I get lots of inspired hecklers, very eighties in the middle of the AIDS epidemic. It was hard to see those kinds of comments but I guess they're kinda right. I don't expect anyone to accept me and take me in with open arms, not right away. It can't be easy for them. I did and said a lot of very sh*ty things and maybe I have a lot to make up for. Lots of things to unlearn and lots of things to learn. That's what my therapist says anyway, I'm a work in progress; it's never too late kids!.

**A: Well, as long as you know it's good. It would be a different situation if you didn't think that you need to grow.**

**RT:** Right. I just hope people give me the chance. There are a lot of things I got used to over the years that I need to leave behind, including things about myself that I kept deep inside or used to tell myself to make me think I wasn't allowed to be me.

**A: It's really good to hear you say all this; you really do deserve the chance to educate yourself and grow. What can we expect from you in the future now that everything is a little uncertain?**

**RT:** Well, Rock, Paper, Scissors is going to have a new season so that's great. And maybe, hopefully a new stand-up special. I think I have lots of new material I could use, since like 80% of what I said before was heterosexual bullsh*t written by ghostwriters that I hated.

**A: It'll be exciting to see the real Richie Tozier on stage. I look forward to that. I have to ask, did your friends know about your sexuality? What about your parents? Or was it news to them? It seems you were very quiet about being gay but I wonder if some people in your life knew.**

**RT:** Oh. Man, my closest friends knew but not because I told them, not explicitly. It's just impossible to hide who you're bringing home to your roommates when you're living in a cramped apartment, you know? So they knew because I was a dumb twentysomething and thought I was doing a great job at pretending to be the straightest guy in the world, I said too many jokes about boobs unprompted and thought talking about my conquest were getting me somewhere. Said 'bro' more times than necessary in a sentence. I took my inspiration from those awful frat boys in mid-two thousands teen movies. 

**RT: (cont.)** My parents didn't know. I never told them but after the photographs got out and I finally answered their calls they both were very nice about it which I was not expecting at all. We're from this really backwards midwestern town and I always thought they were going to react like my high school bully. Calling me names and disinheriting me or some sh*t like that. But I was surprised and they've been very supportive. So have my friends; everybody has been really good to me. I keep thinking someone's going to punch me in the face or something, it's weird being treated so nicely.

**A: I understand you are now friends with Eddie Kaspbrak whom you're known to antagonize a lot. How did that friendship come to happen?**

**RT:** You know, it's funny. Eds and I have a lot of mutual friends. Our closest friends are all friends with each other so it's just because we were so focused on this stupid rivalry that we weren't friends before. But after the incident, he kept contacting me and eventually he just showed up to my house with Ben (Hanscom) and Bev (Marsh). Turns out we get along great. We still have a lot of arguments but now it's in a witty banter kind of way, mostly just because it's so funny to get on each other's nerves. Eddie has strong opinions about many things and it's fun to rile him up, he does this thing with his hand where he kinda chops the air in frustration. It's super funny.

**A: It must be nice to have someone who understands the position you're at, even if not totally.**

**RT:** Uh, I guess. Mike (Hanlon) is also gay and he's been very great to me. He always knows what to say, he's great and never makes me feel like he's pitying me. But all of my friends have been great, I'm very glad to have them. I'm very relieved to be their friend.

**A: Can I ask why you used to antagonize Eddie Kaspbrak so much? Before people used to say it was because you were homophobic but now that's off the table so what was the reason?.**

**RT:** Oh, I was being homophobic but like to myself. I hated that side of me so much, man. And maybe I just looked at Eddie and saw who I could be, you know, proud and out and all that, still doing what I always dreamed of doing. And I was mad at myself but I took it out on him because he represented this version of me I thought I could never be. It's a dumb reason but at least it's better than what everyone used to say about me.

**A: I hope you get to be the person you want to be, Richie. As a member of this community, I think you deserve to have that chance.**

**RT:** Thanks, dude. Thanks a lot. That means a lot to me. I appreciate it.

**A: I have a final question and then we can wrap this up, yeah?**

**RT:** Sure, man. Hit me.

**A: Now that you're out, are you seeing anyone?**

**RT:** Oh, we're already at that point? Dude! Oh, man. I guess that's for me to know and for you to speculate for as long as I want.

With these parting teasing words, my time with Richie Tozier comes to an end. I take notice that he looks more relaxed than he did when we started the interview, his shoulders are loose and he has a faint smile on face. It is a nice look on him and hopefully his fans will get to see this side of him soon and whether that'll be in the shape of a new stand-up or a new movie, it's now up to Richie himself to decide because making that choice it's what he deserves.

++++

**Director Mike Hanlon and Author Bill Denbrough Got Married in a Secret Ceremony and Nobody Knew About It.**

USWeekly.com

September 29, 2016

For years many have suspected something more than a professional partnership was amidst this duo and this weekend those suspicions were confirmed after the pair posted pictures taken at their secret wedding ceremony in the wilderness of Maine.

Hanlon and Denbrough were joined in matrimony sometime this past August in a small ceremony surrounded by their family and closest friends including some big names like actor and comedian Patricia Blum-Uris and her husband screenwriter Stanley Blum-Uris, fashion designer Beverly Marsh and her husband Benjamin, and comedians Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier.

The ceremony took place in the fields of Hanlon’s family farm in the state of Maine, both grooms come from this state and it is a nice touch to get married in a place that means something to both of them. According to a close source, the wedding was a wonderful day for everyone and the newlyweds seemed overjoyed and completely in love "they didn't separate more than five minutes during the whole night".

Although the posting of the wedding pictures surprised the internet; the couple has received many happy wishes and congratulations on their wedding.

Hopefully this means we’ll be getting more incredible movies for many years as these two working together can’t be described as nothing more but brilliant.

We wish the new couple a big congratulations and toast to their lasting union.

_Filtered under: celebrities, mike hanlon, bill denbrough, the back rapids_

++++

Mike Hanlon Rights! **(@stormynights):**

me five years ago: mike is deffo dating author bill

yall: youre crazy

me today: *screenshot of Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine screaming “vindication!”*

Bill Denbrough News **(@WDenbroUpdates):**

More pictures of Bill and Mike at their private wedding with guests Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak. pic.twitter.com/322443/

billy's nightmares **(@thelongrun):**

still blown away that bill "my books endings suck" denbrough got married to freaking mike hanlon the best director of our generation, how did he do it ????

mack **(@richieddierights):**

not to make this about reddie but im gonna make it about reddie, have you seen them in the pictures? arms around each other, always standing close, really happy smiles i'm 👀

mikey's camera **(@mkehanl0n):**

mike looks so happy and handsome, im so happy for him and bill. it was so unexpected but they look so happy together🥺

++++

Richie Tozier ✔️ **(@trashmouth):**

hello everybody! i come with good news! my new stand up Trash the Trashmouth Vol.2 will be coming to your favorite overpriced streaming service on november 11! Make sure to check it out! Help me pay my bills!!

05:32 PM Oct 01, 2016 Twitter for iPhone

++++

Variety ✔️ **(@variety)**

Richie Tozier announces his first stand-up show since his coming out, Trash the Trashmouth Vol.2 is expected to be the beginning of the comedian's new branding process. variety.com/4893/richie-tozier-trash-the-trash

Richie T Updates **(@RWTupdates)**

Richie's new stand-up show will be coming to Netflix on Nov 11. It will be 1h45m long and its description in the website says it's "an inside look into the comedian's life, his childhood and that time he got lost in Buenos Aires and found a cult". Mark it on your calendar!

++++

Posted by u/efkaspbrak • 1 week ago

**This is Eddie Kaspbrak, comedian, actor and co-creator of HBO’s new series “Blood Oaths” AMA**

\-------

Hi. I’m Eddie Kaspbrak. You may know me from my comedy specials or some of my movies.

I created and wrote a series with my best friend Bill Denbrough (the author!) called Blood Oaths that’s coming to your TV next February.

I’m here to answer any questions so ask me anything! I look forward to speaking with you!

Proof: pic.twitter.com/post/82937

UPDATE: This AMA is now closed, thanks to everyone who sent questions. Sorry I couldn't answer all of them.

Don’t forget to catch Blood Oaths when it comes up, Bill will be very sad if you don’t. He’s an ugly crier.

\----

**This thread is archived**

New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast

\----

jazzhands23 • 1 week ago

Hi eddie! Merry early christmas! How are you celebrating next week?

\-- efkaspbrak • 1 week ago

Hi there. Merry Christmas to you too. I’m going to be having a dinner party with my closest friends in LA (getting out of the cold of NYC). Some of them are Jewish so it won’t be quite so christmasy but it doesn’t really matter as long as I spend the day with people I love.

soccerbrofield • 1 week ago

hey man, how did you come up with the idea for the show? it looks dope

\-- efkaspbrak • 1 week ago

Thank you. Bill and I had been talking about making something together for a long time but the idea of this anthology satirical series came to be only because we couldn’t agree on what to do for a movie, so it became a series. Both of us think horror sometimes borders on comedy and we thought it was about time someone made something better than the scary movies franchise.

tiedyemyshit • 1 week ago

hi ed! How’s your friendship with richie tozier going? How did you guys go from rivals to friends?

\-- efkaspbrak • 1 week ago

Hi. It’s going great :) we get along like we never used to be ‘rivals’ and he’s actually way funnier in real life but don’t tell him I say that, he won’t let me live it down. There were a lot of apologies going around at first, we’ve both said harsh things about each other in the past but we’re both at better points in our lives and I think most of the rivalry was founded in maintaining it for the public. So now we're focusing on being ourselves and trying to be good friends.

mysteryfudge420 • 1 week ago

How is it like working with Patricia Blum again? It’s been years since you were together in SNL

\-- efkaspbrak • 1 week ago

It’s great, I love working with Patty. She’s hilarious and loves horror so adding her to our writing team was a no brainer. And she’s basically family now so it's even better.

filmg33kjj • 1 week ago

Isn’t it nepotism to have Mike Hanon as a director on the show?

\-- efkaspbrak • 1 week ago

Mike’s a wonderful director with a beautiful artistic view. He works with us because he’s good at what he does not because he’s married to one of the creators. Plus, we have a big roster of incredible directors working with us. This is Don Hagarty’s first big work but he is something else, you should check out his previous work.

fannypackeds • 1 week ago

Hi Eddie! Describe your current life in three words?

\-- efkaspbrak • 1 week ago

At home, loved :)

++++

[Instagram post from **@stanley_uris** ) captioned “Andrew finally met his uncle Richie <3” Posted on January 20, 2017]

[Picture of a man holding a small baby in his arms, he’s wearing a black t-shirt under a purple hawaiian shirt decorated with tiny pineapples. The man beams down at the baby in his arms who is dressed in a matching onesie.]

[Comments under the post:

 **@trashmouth** : i was saving the best for last 😜

 **@ekasp** : can’t believe the flight got delayed a full day… He’s beautiful💛

 **@benhasncom21** : Can’t wait to see him again! (And you and Patty too! 🥰)

 **@patty_blumuris:** I love this photo! Andrew really likes you Rich!

 **@directormike:** you’ll need to be more specific about who you're calling beautiful lol **@ekasp**

^^^^ **@manleystanley588:** what does this mean???? 😩😩😩

 **@fartmouthstan:** stanley your baby is cute and he looks so tiny in richie’s arms i’m- ]

++++

Richie Tozier✔️ **(@trashmouth):**

when the foreplay lasts a decade so you get married after four months into the relationship lol 🤪🥵 #mrandmrkaspbraktozier #hisfirstcausehetops #forthepervs #toziervkaspbrak

11:42 PM Feb 27 2017 Twitter for iPhone

Eddie Kaspbrak✔️ **(@eddiekaspbrak)** replied to this ˆˆˆ

❤️❤️❤️ #mrandmrkaspbrak

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I would love to see your thoughts, please leave a comment!
> 
> You can find me on Twitter @liamtome


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